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Mamacita, Alumna Mentor (@mamacita)

Adults On The Autism Spectrum

Autism (ASD) | Last Active: Oct 27, 2021 | Replies (1134)

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@cathigriffioen

I am 100% sure my husband is on the spectrum but he refuses to be tested. Believing he is on the spectrum is the only way I have been able to live with him. He is a good man and provider but his behaviors are classic as you’ve described. There is a book for spouses called Alone Together which is exactly how I feel.

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Replies to "I am 100% sure my husband is on the spectrum but he refuses to be tested...."

Denial is not an easy situation to be in. Men, especially, seem to have a more difficult time with labels than women do. After an entire lifetime of thinking that I was just plain defective, it was a blessing to find out there was a reason I learned the way that I did. Why some things were so easy for me, and why some people bragged on me and said how great I was. I kept thinking they would eventually find out I was a fake, and not want me anymore. I have only had to apply for a job one time in my whole life. All the others were offered to me. All my cousins are the same way. Once I took a couple of tests for my husband. He scored pretty high on the Aspie scale. I answered the questions as closely to what I know he would say. To get him to actually take the tests would be an impossibility. It helps me to know that at the very least he must have a bit of social anxiety. He is truly a hermit. He never has been one to want to go to large gatherings of people. He is very kind and loving, but social skills and certain expectations just are not within his grasp. He and I are very similar, but I have learned through the years how to copy the correct behaviors one is supposed to exhibit in life. I love him, so I must not expect him do handle what he simply is clueless about. We do the best we can.

@mamasitalucita I like what you said about "copying the correct behaviors one is supposed to exhibit in life." I think that applies even to Neurotypicals as well. We often find it helpful to "mirror" some of the good characteristics that we see in others. I'm going to start reading the book, Thinking in Pictures, so I'll probably have lots of questions for you in the next few days.

Teresa

I grew up watching " I Love Lucy." There's a terrific role model for sure! Seriously! She used humor in a crisis, and she always pulled through, somehow.

@mamasitalucita I grew up with "Lucy" as well. I needed a break from a rather intense, troubled mother and Lucy provided some comic relief! Still enjoy the rerun of her and Ethel working at the chocolate candy factory – just too funny for words.

Teresa

My Mother had serious issues and was sick a lot. People thought she was a hypochondriac, but as I have gotten older, more and more of the truth of her situation has come out. I may never know the true story, not all of it. But she suffered terribly as a child. I have long since forgiven her for anything and everything. I have learned that most parents really do the best they can. And when that falls apart. you know, there's always Lucy! And the friends God has placed in our lives to help us feel not so alone. Or the Universe, if you prefer. Blessings, MamacitaLucita.

You are correct, all of us "copy" behaviors we see around us. We all have cultural norms and standards, which vary somewhat from place to place. It really fascinates me. I love studying about how people live all over the world.

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