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Saying HI to all our caregivers!
Caregivers | Last Active: May 3, 2018 | Replies (8)Comment receiving replies
Dear Indianascott, I’m so sorry to hear of your stroke last December but so grateful you are still with the Connect community. I haven’t participated in quite a while as my move from country to city with my terminally ill husband resulted in him becoming very ill both physically and mentally. He now stays with his brother and visits me. His disease appears to be spreading to his brain now and lumps are appearing elsewhere. The doctors gave him a timeline of 6 months in 2015 and he almost died twice this past December. He came to visit last night, unfortunately he had an anger eruption and left, which is good in a way because he scares me when he gets verbally aggressive and abusive. Friends who know I’m looking for work say I should get into caring but I remember you say, “ in a New York minute, NO”, that’s how I feel. Right now I feel gutted and beaten. I’m tired of living on the edge of death with my husband who lashes out. I just feel wiped out inside, I don’t think I have the motivation or energy to run out of a burning building. I want to be part of life. I feel caring has taken so much outta me. The thought of dealing with sick people makes me want to run away. I too, became a carer out of love and devotion. Thank you for sharing your past words are helping me to connect today. I feel so lost and too tears to go out in public. Wishing all Carers strength and comfort.
Replies to "Dear Indianascott, I’m so sorry to hear of your stroke last December but so grateful you..."
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Hello and good morning @mnina Thank you for the kind words. The stoke caught me unaware and shoved me back to a place I really didn't want to be! That last thing I was prepared for (as a caregiver) was to be a dadgum patient! Once again I have found Connect to be an important help to me.
I am so sorry to hear of your challenges these days. Caregiving is a rough road and I get angry at how many of us have to travel it alone! Grrr!
I was sorry to read of your husband's continued challenges -- and how they are effecting you. That is a bummer for sure. So good to hear he has a brother to help him out, but I am sure that does little to alleviate the pain you feel.
"gutted and beaten" YEP! Perfectly said! That is an apt description that I remember all too well! Used up, in pain, and running on empty is all too often the memory I have of my caregiving years. I am glad you can acknowledge your feelings! Personally I think that is very important and helps us not feel quite as alone out there. Often times as a caregiver I had to bottle up far too many feelings -- the sadness, the anger, the frustration, and much more. But never let yourself fall into feelings of guilt! Guilt has NO place in caregiving!
We all carry and have our scars with us. We all cry. As caregivers we should wear these like a badge of honor rather than a Scarlet Letter. None of us receive a suit of armor when we 'sign up' for caregiving, but maybe they should be standard issue! I'd have taken mine in all black with a big, purple plume on my helmet! 🙂 When I get frustrated over my fingers and hands hurting from the carpal tunnel I developed from lifting my wife all those years, rather than get sad and angry about it I say to myself 'by golly I loved that woman more than I realized'. Doesn't take the pain away but puts me in a better place about that 'scar'.
Far be it from me to tell, or suggest, what you should do, but I'd say "damn the torpedo's, full speed ahead" and give it a try going out. Maybe just a block. Maybe just down to the corner and back. My first 'walk' when I went out was two houses, then I saw folks out and hightailed it back home! Now I am walking farther and who I see along the way no longer bothers me, but that took time for me to get to that point.
Hang tough!
Continued courage, strength, and peace