@cdcc Can understand you are discouraged. As for me, I keep looking for a rock to hide under. All of the good ones are already taken. When you refer to a hole in the ground it sounds like you are fed up. No one seeing me has any idea the misery dwelling within. I am the smiling face when I emerge from my woman's cave. What energy this requires!!!
I no longer talk about chronic (at times, severe) pain, how worthless I am in this state. I can no longer tolerate being told to pull myself up out of this state. It is like I am being accused of "wanting" to feel this way. I find myself to be a boil on society. I would much rather be working and helping others. The depression has been much, much worse since I can no longer work.
Comprehend some of how you are feeling. The feeling of worthlessness and thinking one needs a hole in the ground is...no words other than "I get it".

Ik know and have the feeling. My own son thinks I am a munchousen ? I also feel so so guilty. and have wasted my life being depressed, etc.

@mattie How well I know this feeling!!!

All the good stones and holes in the ground are taken / trust me I have been looking all over the world . My view is that we got to have the right doctor and therapist and they will help. I have a fantastic neurologist and some times an also fantastic therapist / both of them see their role as making my life better ( I am 68 years old ) they try all different avenues but we mostly fall back to Ativan only as when the neurologist adds other medication on a trial basis I get to feel drugged and that I don’t accept. Add long walks in beatiful surroundings to you week it helped me s lot - deep breathing also helped me.
Best of luck from michael in Bangkok

Michael, you have it exactly right. But how to find the good doctor? What is the position of a neurologist in this situation? I have never been to one or even been advised to go to one? I have suffered through many of the trial meds and they have just caused more suffering and sometimes terror. I love to be in nature, and I agree with you there also.I have yet to try the deep breathing. You know, I just want to feel 'normal' without that drugged feeling....

I have to be cautious as I am not a doctor but a neurologist is a sophisticated overall “ brain doctor “ substantial overlap with other doctors such as psychiatrist- Alzheimer- pediatric specialist is essential. I abondoned ship so to speak with my psychiatrist and was lucky to be introduced to a Mayo Clinic neurologist ( very rare as I live in Bangkok ) he listened to me in a different way and was more willing to find medication that was suitable to my situation and life wished. I said a respectful goodbye to my psychistridt. Got off Zoloft and onto s very different medicine regime. CAUTION THIS MAY NOT BE RIGHT FOR EVERYONE PLEASE.
MY life has turned almost back to my “normal “ life and i am happy to )have medication that say on the prescription “ one tablet at bedtime additionally as needed max 3 tablets a day “
Not every doctor will do this but as I know him now for 4 years he trust my judgement
Hope you will be able to find a doctor that has time to listen and then do what is best for you. Mayo Clinic is full of doctors that think and act like that.
Very best
Michael in Bangkok

Michael, may I ask what your neurologist put you on?

May I ask what medication was given you? My anxiety and depression is off the wall since coming off Lyrics. I see a therapist and med nurse. I. On Ativan 0:5 twice a day and CBD oil. I have some really hard days where I wish I was in a hole in the ground

Thank you for understanding. Yes I know what’s it’s like to hear oh here you go again. I can’t make it stop no matter what I do, it’s there and fighting it doesn’t help. I did Reiki today for the first time, came out feeling calm but it’s all still there

@cdcc The CBD oil did help. Way to expensive though. Seems since I have gotten older I am far more sensitive to noise. I have bad days and there right now-I will join you in your hole in the ground and maybe we can help one another. I think I am too old to try and get mind help. Seems someone robbed me long ago.