Thanks for your reply. Perhaps, and this is why we try to forgive. He had a very unhappy childhood and wasn't a good family man while the boys were growing up. He has changed in many ways now. but seems to want to be in constant control. He has talked to me about his grief and desire to have do-overs, which none of us get. When I have tried to talk to him about his put downs of his sons, his niece and sister, his response is that he wants us to be "perfect". I believe this is so he will look good, but I even understand this because he feels everyone looked down on his family. They lost their mom when he was very young and his dad was an alcoholic. He has been an excellent provider, but it's been rough emotionally. It has seemed in the past that he cared more about other people than his family. Both sons and I have dealt with depression. I am concerned about the living son who also now has Parkinson's Disease. I am now living closer to God and am sorry this was not always the case. God sustains me. He is my strength and comfort.