Welcome to Mayo Connect @littleonefmohio. I'm a Volunteer Mentor and not a medical professional so I can offer you my personal experience but I don't diagnose or prescribe medical solutions. We're here to share our experiences with you, listen, and give you support.

I think I understand where you are right now because I've been there myself, and not that long ago. I have struggled with depression and feeling alone, different, outside much of my life. Even though I felt those things inside, I am an extrovert and thought I had everyone fooled by my laughing and pretending everything was great. One day when I was in my late 20's, I found myself in bed just laying there wishing I could just go to sleep and never awaken. I didn't know that was depression. Eventually I sought counseling, participated in many groups over the years, but still had that underlying anxiety and at times panic of being left alone. Yet, I am the one who chose to be alone most of the time.

About 6 years ago I saw a friend at the grocery and she was so different and happy, I asked her what had changed for her. She told me she started taking Celexa and it changed her life. I had always been opposed to taking antidepressants because earlier I thought they were bad and talk therapy alone should work. After thinking about it, I talked with my PCP about how I was feeling and all the counseling I had been through, and I asked him to put me on Celexa antidepressant. It took a few weeks to titrate to the 20 mg half pill. But, I could tell in the first 2 weeks that I was already feeling lighter. I am so happy I decided to try the Celexa, which I take the generic version, Citalopram. After 18 months on it the doctor put me on the full 40 mg dose.

My life is so good now at 69 years old. I'm happy and have joy doing anything I choose to do. If you can get genetic testing to find the right medication for you I think your life can change for the better. I realized that I needed medical help with my depression all my life because I probably have a chemical imbalance that the medicine corrects. I'm sure I will be taking this the rest of my life. My panic attacks and anxiety disappeared. I can now fly and go wonderful places I thought were beyond my reach. Two years ago my family decided on a family vacation in Costa Rica. I flew there without fear, and zip-lined down 7 lines. I loved it. My husband and I then flew to Panama and lived in a town in the mountains for 1 month. What great adventures that I could never have done without the Citalopram. Tomorrow, my husband and I take off for 15 days in Tahiti, to vacation on a sail boat. I never would have been able to do that before. So, I am not afraid to take this for the rest of my life.