My 60-year-old sis's psychosis

@adultsisterofpsychosis

Hello. I'm another Volunteer Mentor, and I'm here to offer the benefit of my personal experience with my mentally ill sister. I'm not a medical professional, nor an attorney, so I won't be diagnosing illness or giving legal statements.

First, I'm so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this problem in your family. In my experience, and in watching friends of mine deal with schizophrenia and mental illness in their families, this is a heartbreaking time. My sister was always "difficult" to deal with. She's 3 years younger than me. I remember even when she was a 2 year old my mom had to have her wear a halter and leash when we walked with her because she was so wild. I once chased a pineapple and cans of food that my mom dropped to run after my sister, to keep the food from rolling into the sewer opening on the street. I wasn't successful. My sister, Jo, had many, many "temper tantrums" as a child, and they continued into adulthood. I always felt responsible for Jo, especially after we were both put in an orphanage because our mother couldn't take care of us. I think my mother was an undiagnosed bi-polar sufferer, and had difficulty keeping a job and having lasting relationships. Our dad had left home when I was 18 months old, and was living with his brother in Colorado. He was a deadbeat dad, but I later learned that he was in a mental hospital receiving electric shock treatments for some time.

After Jo and I were in the orphanage she was abused by one of the housemothers because of her temper tantrums. I told the head of the orphanage about it and the woman was fired. The damage was done by then and it added to her already obvious problems. Through the years my sister had multiple problems at school and with our grandmother. We lived with my grandmother for a few years when I turned 12 and she bought a house so we could live with her and our mom. That didn't last long and within a year or 2 my mom took Jo and moved to Colorado to get away from our grandmother. My mom said she left me there (I can say thank goodness now!) because I got along with my grandmother and Jo didn't. Eventually my mom and dad remarried, and I was forced to go live with them after grandmother fell and broke her hip. I was 17 years old by then.

My parents worked hard to protect my sister and she ruled the house. Everyone walked carefully around Jo so we didn't upset her. Of course as her older sister, I would fight with her over stupid things as teenagers do. I still have the scars from her fingernails digging into me until I bled. I remember my mother telling me to fight back, and I said, "I'm afraid I'll hurt her", so I always backed down. As we got older her behavior became more and more erratic and scary. After she was divorced, she called me one day and told me to come and get her son because he was the devil and she was going to kill him if I didn't him. I picked him up while she was in the middle of a "temper tantrum", which I now understand was a psychotic episode. He lived with my husband and me until out of the blue she picked him up one day about 2 years later. Later when he was 15 years old she took off, and told him to call me for help. Again, he lived with my husband and me. No one knew where she was for 2 years.

I could go on with more stories, but I won't. All these years I had tried to help Jo, against the wishes of my family. I got her to go to a therapy group with me but she soon dropped out and wouldn't come back. I knew she had a mental illness, and it was confirmed when she got her son out of the Navy to take care of her. She was diagnosed with "borderline personality", which is still a mystery to me. The last dealings I had with her were so crazy that I realized she might be a danger to me due to her apparent hatred of me. I stopped taking her phone calls, and I began refusing to see her. There were a couple of times I tried to renew our relationship, but they ended badly. I then gave up and have had no contact with her for about 26 years now. She stays in contact with one of my brothers who is unable to tell her no. She and her son live with a schizophrenic woman who is rich and they sponge off her. The police are called regularly because Jo and her son fight and threaten to kill each other. They call my brother constantly to ask him to side iwth each of them. High drama all the time.

I tried for years to get help from the state for her. Nothing worked. I was not in a position to have her committed and our dad wouldn't do it while he was living. It broke my heart for years because she was my only sister, and I loved her as a child. I've cried mountains of tears over my inability to help her and her son. But, 26 years ago I finally realized that there was nothing I could do, and that she was toxic in my life. I cannot help her. I must leave her alone and have no contact with her. I have adjusted to not having that drama in my life, but it wasn't easy. I had to develop a shield from her poisonous contact.

Your sister was able to sign herself out of the hospital, which tells me she can make decisions. They may not be the decisions you would make, but she's an adult. Short of calling the police about her situation, it sounds as if that's all you can do. If you can have her declared incompetent legally, then you might be able to institutionalize her. There aren't many mental hospitals with lifetime commitment anymore, and I don't know the cost. I hope your attorney is a le to help you. It is much more difficult to have a person committed now.

What I recommend is for you to find a counselor or a counseling group for yourself to help you deal with the grieving you will need to do for the loss of your sister, and for the sense of helplessness you are probably feeling. I know counseling, both individual and group, was tremendously helpful for me. I was deeply hurt and felt guilty that I was giving up on her. But, for my own mental health that's what I had to do. I did it, and I'm healthier because of giving up control over her situation.

I hope this is helpful for you, and that I'm not too discouraging sharing my experience with you. Each situation and each person is different. I sincerely hope you are able to work through your situation successfully. If you have any questions, please dont hesitate to contact me. By the way, I have had a good life, a good marriage, and a successful career. I have a Masters degree and am now happily retired at 69 years old. You'll work through this I'm sure.

Warm regards,
Gail B
Volunteer Mentor

@adultsisterofpsychosis

Hello. I'm another Volunteer Mentor, and I'm here to offer the benefit of my personal experience with my mentally ill sister. I'm not a medical professional, nor an attorney, so I won't be diagnosing illness or giving legal statements.

First, I'm so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this problem in your family. In my experience, and in watching friends of mine deal with schizophrenia and mental illness in their families, this is a heartbreaking time. My sister was always "difficult" to deal with. She's 3 years younger than me. I remember even when she was a 2 year old my mom had to have her wear a halter and leash when we walked with her because she was so wild. I once chased a pineapple and cans of food that my mom dropped to run after my sister, to keep the food from rolling into the sewer opening on the street. I wasn't successful. My sister, Jo, had many, many "temper tantrums" as a child, and they continued into adulthood. I always felt responsible for Jo, especially after we were both put in an orphanage because our mother couldn't take care of us. I think my mother was an undiagnosed bi-polar sufferer, and had difficulty keeping a job and having lasting relationships. Our dad had left home when I was 18 months old, and was living with his brother in Colorado. He was a deadbeat dad, but I later learned that he was in a mental hospital receiving electric shock treatments for some time.

After Jo and I were in the orphanage she was abused by one of the housemothers because of her temper tantrums. I told the head of the orphanage about it and the woman was fired. The damage was done by then and it added to her already obvious problems. Through the years my sister had multiple problems at school and with our grandmother. We lived with my grandmother for a few years when I turned 12 and she bought a house so we could live with her and our mom. That didn't last long and within a year or 2 my mom took Jo and moved to Colorado to get away from our grandmother. My mom said she left me there (I can say thank goodness now!) because I got along with my grandmother and Jo didn't. Eventually my mom and dad remarried, and I was forced to go live with them after grandmother fell and broke her hip. I was 17 years old by then.

My parents worked hard to protect my sister and she ruled the house. Everyone walked carefully around Jo so we didn't upset her. Of course as her older sister, I would fight with her over stupid things as teenagers do. I still have the scars from her fingernails digging into me until I bled. I remember my mother telling me to fight back, and I said, "I'm afraid I'll hurt her", so I always backed down. As we got older her behavior became more and more erratic and scary. After she was divorced, she called me one day and told me to come and get her son because he was the devil and she was going to kill him if I didn't him. I picked him up while she was in the middle of a "temper tantrum", which I now understand was a psychotic episode. He lived with my husband and me until out of the blue she picked him up one day about 2 years later. Later when he was 15 years old she took off, and told him to call me for help. Again, he lived with my husband and me. No one knew where she was for 2 years.

I could go on with more stories, but I won't. All these years I had tried to help Jo, against the wishes of my family. I got her to go to a therapy group with me but she soon dropped out and wouldn't come back. I knew she had a mental illness, and it was confirmed when she got her son out of the Navy to take care of her. She was diagnosed with "borderline personality", which is still a mystery to me. The last dealings I had with her were so crazy that I realized she might be a danger to me due to her apparent hatred of me. I stopped taking her phone calls, and I began refusing to see her. There were a couple of times I tried to renew our relationship, but they ended badly. I then gave up and have had no contact with her for about 26 years now. She stays in contact with one of my brothers who is unable to tell her no. She and her son live with a schizophrenic woman who is rich and they sponge off her. The police are called regularly because Jo and her son fight and threaten to kill each other. They call my brother constantly to ask him to side iwth each of them. High drama all the time.

I tried for years to get help from the state for her. Nothing worked. I was not in a position to have her committed and our dad wouldn't do it while he was living. It broke my heart for years because she was my only sister, and I loved her as a child. I've cried mountains of tears over my inability to help her and her son. But, 26 years ago I finally realized that there was nothing I could do, and that she was toxic in my life. I cannot help her. I must leave her alone and have no contact with her. I have adjusted to not having that drama in my life, but it wasn't easy. I had to develop a shield from her poisonous contact.

Your sister was able to sign herself out of the hospital, which tells me she can make decisions. They may not be the decisions you would make, but she's an adult. Short of calling the police about her situation, it sounds as if that's all you can do. If you can have her declared incompetent legally, then you might be able to institutionalize her. There aren't many mental hospitals with lifetime commitment anymore, and I don't know the cost. I hope your attorney is a le to help you. It is much more difficult to have a person committed now.

What I recommend is for you to find a counselor or a counseling group for yourself to help you deal with the grieving you will need to do for the loss of your sister, and for the sense of helplessness you are probably feeling. I know counseling, both individual and group, was tremendously helpful for me. I was deeply hurt and felt guilty that I was giving up on her. But, for my own mental health that's what I had to do. I did it, and I'm healthier because of giving up control over her situation.

I hope this is helpful for you, and that I'm not too discouraging sharing my experience with you. Each situation and each person is different. I sincerely hope you are able to work through your situation successfully. If you have any questions, please dont hesitate to contact me. By the way, I have had a good life, a good marriage, and a successful career. I have a Masters degree and am now happily retired at 69 years old. You'll work through this I'm sure.

Warm regards,
Gail B
Volunteer Mentor