Jim, your posts re always filled with wisdom. I am new to this, so I apprecite them so much. Earlier in life, I believed that I had that ".. peace that passeth all understanding" as I had turned over the most important issues in my life over to God. I felt that peace until the day I learned that one of my children had begun a life long struggle with substance addiction during which another child (wonderful college age child) very unexpectedly took his own life. You may have read about this on a different post. Now, after all the prayer and peace that I felt when I turned them over to His protection, and after what ultimately has happened, I have not found that peace again. Now I find guilt. Just this weekend I heard two pastors talking about pain in life being "correction" and "refinement" for us. That just heaps loads of guilt upon me. Now, I have developed a condition that is terrible painful with physical pain. I just cannot understand any more. So, yes, it is so easy to think about giving up. I just have to keep moving forward, every day, step by step. I suppose I will never understand this side of eternity.

Bax
I am so sorry for your loss! As a parent and grandparent I can only imagine the pain you must feel. Parenting is the most difficult job. We are not taught or trained to be a parent. We can only love our children and do our best and pray that they grow up happy and well adjusted.. I certainly understand the guilt and I am sure I'd feel the same.

As far as pain, it is not unusual for emotional pain to cause physical pain. I hope you have looked into getting some emotional counseling or to join a support group.

Prayers to you!
ronnie

@tbaxter33

I think there are different levels of peace. We have peace of mind when life is good. Peace as a fruit of the Spirit is what I have regardless what's happening. Even during my deepest depression, I still was aware of peace. I knew that God would never abandon me, and knowing that He's always with me left me with peace. It didn't eliminate the pain. I wish it had. I think I can say that peace is pretty much a constant.

I don't quite know how to verbalize what I'm thinking. I blame that on being tired and the meds I take. I'll be glad when I'm totally off Gabapentin.

Jim

The reverse can also be true with pain. This has been my experience. Guilt is a ferocious beast and something that can cheat us out of many things. The decisions others make is not a result of our failing in some way. Easy to type these words and not easy to believe them most of the time.
A suicide is a difficult act to live through. My father took his own life and the guilt still rears its ugly head. There is a good support online support group. Contact me in a PM and I will give the info.

So true Parus! People do not understand what we go through. Even family members. So where is your support systemr? My friends are great supports! I am rich this way! Guilt is another entire subject . You don't want the albatross around someone's neck! I am very sorry to hear of your Father! I advocate for other Chronic Pain People; because, I understand. I am very happy to have this support group! Jim, I do pray everyday and yes I do receive peace in knowing God is beside me! After all, I am a cat with 9 lives. already 2 have been used.