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Loss and Grief: How are you doing?
When my dad passed away several years ago I lost my keys 4 times in one month, I would wake up at 3 a.m. several days every week feeling startled. Sound familiar? These are reactions to grief. Grief is a very personal experience - everyone grieves differently – even in the same family because the relationship of a father is different than that of a wife or a granddaughter. Unfortunately, often we grieve alone. Sometimes we don’t want to “bother others” with our grief, and sometimes friends and family tell us that we should be over it by now. After all the person we lost was ill for a long time or was very old and “it was their time” or “they are in a better place now.” Sound familiar?
Grieving is often described as the "work of grief." It does feel like hard work doesn’t it? Grief can be difficult because of the many factors related to the loss. If the loss followed a prolonged, serious illness you undoubtedly did some “anticipatory grief work” prior to the actual death of the loved one. If the loss, however, was sudden, i.e., accident related, suicide, a result of crime, etc. the sense of grief is coupled with shock.
The relationship that you had with the loved one also affects your grief experience, i.e. was your relationship close or had it been strained? Do you feel guilt that you were not closer or do you feel guilty because you don’t feel you did enough to help while your loved one was ill?
Sometimes anger plays a part in the grief process. Did your loved one get poor medical treatment or a wrong and/or late diagnosis? Did your loved one not follow your doctor’s orders with regard to their health (diet, smoking, attention to meds or exercise)? All of these factors contribute to your experience of grief.
Also, some losses are not so evident to others. These would include a miscarriage or a stillborn. Sometimes these losses are not considered as relevant to others as the loss of a person who has lived a longer life. In the case of a miscarriage, others might not even be aware of your loss.
You may think of that person on anniversary dates (their birthday, date of their death) or you might think of them constantly. Unfortunately, sometime people say things that can multiply grief. Have you ever heard someone say, “you should be over this by now?” or “I had a similar experience and I’m OK.” Well, most likely their similar experience was not the same as yours. Thinking you should be over it might compound your grief with feelings of guilt or frustration.
Whether a recent loss, or a loss you experienced a long time ago, let’s talk about it. Whatever your experience, I'd like to hear your stories and together find a way to relocate that loved one so that we can experience peace in our lifetime.
Together let us support each other in our grief journey.
Teresa
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@littleonefmohio,
There's more to that but I'm not upset at the hospital. The Privacy Officer chick tried to get me to reveal the xray chicks name but I didn't want to get her fired. Instead the Privacy chick said she'd send a memo through out the hospital. They actually stood to face a payment to me up to $150,000. Could use that but I don't want to be vindictive which I think demeans a person. Gossip can do that job for me...Hah!
Got a letter from her and she include the memo which is a HIPAA list of do's and don'ts which states pretty clearly that what the xray chick did is punishable to the hospital.
I'm satisfied with that.
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2 ReactionsA few pictures of my perennial/vegetable garden area.
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8 Reactions@jimhd, Thanks Jim, I'm jealous. Always wanted flowers and veggies. My well will go dry if I attempt to water a veggie garden, even laid down a drip system with a timer but no good. I posted a picture of my place and it shows a fenced off place 14'x14'. I thought I could do with a small garden and needed that fencing, still not good enough. Would cost 8-10 thousand to drill a well so I make do with my old shallow well.
I'll put up a pic on why I needed the fencing.
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5 Reactions@muppey And still in velvet!!!! They can destroy a garden quickly. Nice capture. Thank you for sharing!
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2 Reactions@jimhd How delightful. My thumbs are turning greener
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2 ReactionsWow -- just gorgeous, @jimhd! What nice talent you have!
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2 Reactions@parus,
This conversation is making me smile again, thanks to all.
I've got another picture when there were more than twelve bucks munching in my yard. Then you look around and there are more laying down but hard to count. Landlord is a hunter and was impressed. I don't hunt.
Hey greenthumbs, I can enjoy other things other than a garden. I've got 9 walnut trees, pear tree, an old plum which produces some but not munch, nice blossoms though. All my stuff is growing by itself. Used to have potted plants on the deck but with four years of drought I couldn't even afford to water them, had to haul water from two miles away. Got an army surplus water bladder built for helicopters but I found an old trailer which can handle 250 gallons of water, gotta drive slow but the jeep is strong. Brother Steve gave it to me.
And I'm all out of cigars, but got a nicorete lozenge going.
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1 Reaction@jimhd, I had to read that again. I've had run ins with a few preachers over the years and they can be kind of unkind. Anyway that comment is funny. Thanks for another laugh.
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1 ReactionI went back to doctor today because of the panic attacks. She gave me Xanax to take as needed which is great because I did not want to be on anything long term. Thanks for the prayers God knows I need them.
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3 ReactionsCould someone please remove me from this conversation. I don't know why I'm receiving all of these emails. I have tried to remove myself without success.
I would so appreciate it. This is the second time I have reached out for help.
Thank you