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Loss and Grief: How are you doing?

Loss & Grief | Last Active: Apr 7 12:18pm | Replies (932)

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@kdawn32

@muppey I think "things" or trinkets, for some people, are used to say what that person can not put into words. However if the person on the receiving end doesn't communicate that way it is meaningless for them. So it all gets lost. The giver gets upset and the receiver is confused. So you might think about this the next time some one gives you something. Thank them for thinking of you. Say something like "is there a special meaning". A lot of us do tend to put to much attachment into "Things".

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Replies to "@muppey I think "things" or trinkets, for some people, are used to say what that person..."

Thanks kdawn, I'll consider what you say. There were two things that I really liked. One was a card I sent to Mary from San Mateo which showed a little girl walking a dirt road over shadowed with huge trees. It was cute and reminded me of our experience. The other was a picture of a donkey on a boat with a life saver on his neck with the words, "You saved my ass!" written.
Mary's got them now so what?

@muppey I have had you continually in my prayers since I first found your posts. I hope each day is getting a little better for you. In response to the card and picture from your marriage that "Mary's got them now so what?" She may have the items but you have the memories. Your descriptions also bring to mind some questions. Is the little girl walking toward or away from you? Is there a sense of security or looming by the trees? And the donkey, did Mary provide any "saving" for you? Did she amuse, comfort and engage you while you were together? You do not need to answer these questions, but I would appreciate you considering them. The answers may bring insight that you did not have before. As always, Blessings to you.

2011panc, Still say you write hard, but I can handle it. Thanks.

I've written that Mary got lost in the woods and wandered in the dark all night. The little girl in the picture looks lost and lonely, it's a black and white photo and the trees are looming over her and she's facing us. Later Mary sent the donkey card to me. I brought it back to the mountains and Mary had them framed. It just connected us together I guess. Her idea and my surprise.
People think that I held that whole finding her lost in the woods thing over her as a club. I never brought it up and never used it as anything other than I'd look at the pictures, which used to hang on an old pine cabinet close to my desk. Small house. If anything it was Mary who liked to tell people the story and I'd just let her because she liked to.
I thought it was kind of romantic and fun how the day went with us having lunch on the deck and talking all afternoon, and then I asked her if she wanted to call someone to pick her up or she could use one of bedrooms but I was sleeping in the sub basement, which had windows, wood burner, and an exit door. Not a dungeon. Mary chose to sleep on the living room floor.
I'd make I joke, "So I took her home and kept her." Like a cave man, but not really. Never said anything mean or, you owe me now clean the dishes because I'm such a great one.
Getting long but just one last thing. I've been in situation's where I've been able to prevent a tragedy, not often, but I've been in Boy Scouts, Sea Scouts, the Army, and not much after that, I tried to talk to a suicidal man but he wouldn't listen and died in Murphys at some old abandoned buildings. Then I helped his girl friend. It's my nature to help people, and I think lots of people do the same nothing really heroic, just being human. Sometimes it's a girl who was stranded because her battery was totally dead. She had money to buy a new one and I had a truck full of tools. I drove her to the auto store and returned her and fixed it. She invited me to her place but I was happy and declined. Another was a woman stranded with, a dead battery,...I could go on but I never called the newspaper and told them I was a f hero. I just did it. Landlord was stuck yesterday with a guess what, a run down battery, so I got his truck running and told him how to fix it better and he's been going back and forth all day today. He thanked me then called and said, Mark your jeep lights are on. Thanks Jim! Does Jim owe me? No, I'll pay my rent on time and that's it.
Hope you understand because people call me liar and stuff and it really hurts because I know I don't lie.

@2011panc, My college English teacher, Mr.Harriman, great guy, but he once wrote on one of my papers...Mark how can you be so obtuse? Big red letters too. Still have that paper.
You wrote something that I really appreciate and wish I hadn't read past that. I'm sitting here now about 11:00 and getting ready to hit the sack.
"I have had you continually in my prayers..." No one in my life said something like that to me and I really don't know what to say but thanks. I think that's the end for tonight except to say that today has been one of my betters days. Hoping you are doing well, also that you have some great relief from your pain. So I'll say a prayer for you.

@muppey and @2011panc

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Teresa

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@muppey Thank you for your responses. I appreciate your sharing and your prayer for me. I am aware that I "write hard" and my head-on approach to so many things overwhelms most people. You and I both know how it feels to share an intimate feeling in confidence and be betrayed later and/or have that bit of information transposed into something completely different than what it was. You and I are both caring helpers with no strings; which makes us great caregivers. Do you remember The Gong Show? There was a character called The Unknown Comic that wore a paper bag over his head while delivering puns. We can call ourselves The Unknown Wingmen. lol Blessings