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Teresa, Volunteer Mentor (@hopeful33250)

Loss and Grief: How are you doing?

Loss & Grief | Last Active: Mar 25, 2020 | Replies (843)

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@elainesharon

Hi I lost my mum in August due to dementia she was the most precious person in my life I loved her so much I am struggling to come to terms with losing her I wasent there when she died but was staying not far from the home she was in I went to see her and I just cried mummy don’t leave me in December I tried to take my own life and still want to I can’t survive without her even though mum had dementia she still knew who I was the deteriation I saw wasent good she had stopped eating and drinking so couldn’t talk I told her everyday I was there that I loved her I’m missing her so much . My doctor has put me on these tablets but it’s not tablets I want it’s my mum she was 91 when she died (good age) but that doesn’t matter she was my mum (adopted by her when I was 12 but knew her at a nursery in London when I was 3 can’t help the way I feel

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Replies to "Hi I lost my mum in August due to dementia she was the most precious person..."

Love and prayers for you. Losing a parent is very difficult. Keep telling yourself that you are important and of value.
It sounds like you and your Mum had a very close relationship. Be patient and gentle with yourself and the things you feel and experience. Reach out to this group or anyone else close to you whenever you feel you can’t go on. We will support you and love you.

It is not easy to lose a beloved parent. I feel so badly for you, and want to remind you that you also are “precious”‘. There are people just like me that you have never met or seen, but I can assure you they feel as I do and care about you! Hard to lose those who share a history with us and have been with us from the beginning (like parents). My mother is my best friend and 97 years old. Her strong faith is one I share, and that is what I rely on for the good days, and the bad ones. I truly feel your loss, and hope you will feel the care and encouragement that is being sent your way.

@cherriann

Thank you for your lovely words to all of us who have lost parents. You spoke to our feelings well. Keep posting on this discussion as you can.

Teresa

@elainesharon

I am so sorry for the recent loss of your mum. Your mum chose you to be her child – that must make you feel very special! Continue to post as you are able, we would like to get to know you and your mum better!

Teresa

Thank you all for your really comforting words my mum worked as a nursery nurse in London I went to that nursery Iris as she was known knew the circumstances that went off at home so use to take me on holiday to Devon she had a friend called Peggy croser and I constantly went to Devon back when I was 9 my real mother rang and told Iris that she didn’t want me Iris had fallen in love with me and I went to live with her and peg they were my life my world peg died in 2006 suddenly so mum was left on her own it was 2 years ago she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s it wasent me who put mum in a home it was her niece long story this is why I’m like I am mum was very precious to me I loved her so much losing her has hit me hard I’m lost literally lost without her

@elainesharon — I am so sorry for your loss.

@elainesharon

What a lovely story about you and your mum! She and Peggy were your “chosen family” and it sounds like you were really blessed by them both. I can understand your profound sense of loss.

I feel privileged that you shared your story with us. If you are comfortable sharing more, let us know what your favorite memory is of your mum and Peggy.

Teresa

Hi lisa I’m not doing good I’m just lost and well I’m just about to be evicted from my flat so things aren’t good for me I don’t have anywhere to go so considering ending my life I’m only 327 rent arrears but I know I don’t owe that I don’t have any money so me and hubby are really down . Losing mum hasent got easier for me I thought moving into this flat would start me a fresh before I moved here I had a little money from mum so when we got the flat we spent most of it on it now I’m being evicted for the amount when I lost mum the feeling hasent gone away I’m crying as I write this as I’ve hit rock bottom and can’t find away out of it I’m so sorry for writing this

@elainesharon

I’m so glad that you posted and shared what you are facing right now. I’m so sorry to hear that you are having financial problems. Financial problems have the power to make anyone feel very helpless, don’t they? I can understand your depression. When problems pile up on top of grief and loss everything can look really bleak.

I just read a quote from a Moderator at Mayo Connect and I want to share it with you, “You don’t overcome challenges by making them smaller but by making yourself bigger.” I’m wondering, how can you and your husband make yourselves bigger in this situation? Are there any organizations that you can turn to for help right now?

Please be assured of my prayers for you during this time. Will you keep in touch and let us know how you are doing?

Teresa

Hi @elainesharon,

I’m the moderator taking care of Lisa’s groups today, and I want you to know that you don’t have to apologize for anything! One of the best things about joining Connect (we’re so glad you did), is that you have a community ready to listen and hear you, so please keep talking and writing. You’ve come to a safe place where you can talk about your fears, your anxieties and just be yourself.

I know you are feeling lost, but I also want you to know that things do get better. You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change. @elainesharon, do you have a friend or relative you can call, or with whom you can stay? I apologize if I’m assuming, but if you belong to a Parish, could you call someone from there?

Losing your mum has been so hard on you – but from reading your posts, I also see that it was hard for you to see her health deteriorate, and when she wasn’t eating and drinking, right? You also mentioned that she was 91 years old, so try and keep the good memories – she lived until a good age, and more than that, she found a daughter and friend in you.

@elainesharon, do you live in United Kingdom? if at any point you start to feel like you may consider hurting yourself, please call Samaritans (116 123) which operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year.
– Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK – local rate)
– Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minimum)
If you prefer to write down how you’re feeling, or if you’re worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org.

We know it can be difficult to pick up the phone, but reach out to somebody and let them know how you are feeling. Your safety is the most important thing to us and needing to talk to a professional doesn’t show weakness, it shows strength!
I’m also calling Mentors @jimhd @gman @hopeful33250, and I know that their messages will reassure you that you aren’t alone.
Remember, if you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, another way is to swim up! I look forward to hearing back from you.

Hi, @elainesharon — I’m really sorry to hear you are not doing well and are facing possible eviction from your flat. It also sounds like losing your mum has been really difficult for you.

Just wanted to touch base and see how you are doing now?

Hello @elainesharon

It has been a while since we have heard from you. How are you doing? Have you found a new living situation yet? I am praying that you are finding hope in the midst of your grief and you can realize the light at the end of the tunnel.

Will you send a post soon? I would love to hear from you.

Teresa