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~ Depressed about my move, missing former hometown ~
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Jan 5, 2018 | Replies (8)Comment receiving replies
Abby,
A general comment...do what makes you feel good and at peace. Your desires are very important and should be respected.
I've spent most of my life and still struggle with the "pleasing others" syndrome. For me, it is a way that I can assure myself that if I do what others want of
me, I will have their love and acceptance. What I've found out as I've lived my life is that this belief is a bunch of "crap". It seems I always end up giving up a lot and not getting much of anything in return. It's hard to change this belief though as most of the reinforcement I have gotten throughout my life has been related to what I can do for others. I would really like for people to like me for me (whoever that is). I just feel like if I don't have a purpose (and this has always been in the helping field), there's no reason for me to exist. I've been able to deal with this most of my life because I have devoted myself to my work, which involved helping others. However, now, due to physical and mental health issues, I'm unable to work. This has been extremely difficult for me and has taken a huge toll on my mental health ( I deal with major depression and mild anxiety). The only way I've been able to cope is by volunteering. I'm convinced if I did not have the responsibilities I have in my various volunteer roles, I would've gone off the deep end by now.
Sorry, I got off the point somewhat, but maybe my experience will help someone else who's experienced losses in later life (death of loved one, unemployment, inability to be mobile, etc.) can think about volunteering as a way to deal with grief, loneliness, lack of sense of purpose, etc.
To everyone who reads this, I wish you peace and contentment in the new year.
Sharon
Replies to "Abby, A general comment...do what makes you feel good and at peace. Your desires are very..."
@amberpep -- I'm so glad to see that some of the darkness of the move is lifting, It's also wonderful to hear how your girls do thoughtful things for you and really want you nearby them. My mom left her friends across the country and started her business over near my sister and me 14 years ago, and I count it as a great blessing.
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Thank you all so very much for writing ... I just got home last night from about 5 days in Frederick. I stay with a girlfriend when I go up. She lives in the opposite end of the city than I did, and I no longer have the temptation to "just go and see how my condo looked" obviously not from the inside, just the street. I did that 2x and decided it was just a stupid thing to do. It's not mine anymore, so Barbara, get over it! No, I didn't want to move down here - it was purely out of duress, but I'm finally beginning to feel at home. It's so obvious to me that both of my girls, who live down here, are so glad I'm here, it would be like kicking them in the teeth if I moved back. They are so sweet. I ask for nothing, but they just see things and do them. While I was in Frederick, one of my girls came and took care of my cats for me, washed a sink full of dishes (I didn't ask her to do that!, it's just the way her heart is), and tidied up a bit. She also told me that she hid a "little something" somewhere in my condo to see if I could find it. It's been 2 years now, and it's been a rough, long haul, but I think I've finally gotten over the hump. I'll always love Frederick and have wonderful memories of it, and if it ever became necessary, I would go back. But, I do think the sting is gone. And I owe that all to my girls ..... they have been like real angels to my soul and heart.
abby