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Jan (@theotherone)

Depression and taking medicine for years

Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Dec 22, 2017 | Replies (81)

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@lisalucier

Hi, @theotherone — Really glad that you decided to join us here. I think you will find many wonderful members in this community. Sounds like you’ve had some terribly hard life experiences. A few members who come to mind when you talk about a childhood background of abuse are: @amberpep, @parus, @pendragonart, @peach414144 and @vsinn2000. I believe they may have something to share.

You mentioned sometimes fears you have are reflected when you do things like talk to others or go shopping. I’m wondering if you could tell us more about that?

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Replies to "Hi, @theotherone -- Really glad that you decided to join us here. I think you will..."

@lisalucier As a child (and now, too), I was very shy. I was often ridiculed for being like that, even by my parents. I was pushed to “make friends” and made feel guilty when I couldn’t. Now it is very hard for me to be spontaneous. I feel some guilt because I’m not so talkative.
When it comes to shopping, I don’t have problem to shop in supermarkets, because there I just take what I need, but if I need to ask for something, I start to stutter and I am nervous even before I go there. As a child I stutter a lot, especially when I talked to strange people. My father often forced me to shop alcohol for him and even beat me, when I was scared to go. Since then I hate to shop when I need to ask for something. Thanks God for e-shops.

@theotherone

I, too, was and still am quite shy. I’ve always enjoyed shopping, but peripheral neuropathy pain in my feet has put the brakes on most of that. I’m with you on online shopping. What a help that has been to me, especially when it comes to shopping for my wife on birthday and Christmas. It would surely be nice if her birthday wasn’t just before Christmas.

I still enjoy shopping in stores, just not as much. I’m happy for the electric shopping carts in big stores.

I hope you have a joyous Christmas.

Jim

sometimes when i shop (publix) or wherever i hear a child crying over and over again i look and see an older child hurting a younger one and the mother does nothing to correct this. this goes on for over 15 minutes. i cry, it hurts. memories from my past come into being and i approach the mother who ignores my concerns. ptsd. unacceptable.

I have the same reaction due to my ptsd. I cry and struggle with the scene and child’s pain for hours after

@peach414144 @pendragonart I am very sorry to hear you feel that pain. I often feel the same, when I hear a child crying and I see parent do nothing or even shout and swear. My past comes to my mind and I ether feel sorry for the child, because I can imagine what is it going through and also memories start to overflow me. I never have courage to approach the parent, maybe it sounds silly, but somehow I fear they can hurt me also. Although I know I’m an grown up man.

@theotherone

I understand what you are saying – it’s a powerless feeling, isn’t it?

Teresa

dear @theotherone: yes, the poor child not only is the mother creating another ptsd person, she is also creating another sadist. this is doublefold. the mother should be addressing her issues with a professional.. what created the mother? again, THE NEVER ENDING STORY! we all must keep trying to do whatever it is to help somehow and to never give up. with love barbara

there is a genuine rational reason to not approach a parent! what we say may cause more abuse when we are gone or cause parent to become aggressive, even violent, with us. there are ways and times to say things not judgementally that may cause the parent to see things differently….reframing the situation and even appearing sympathetic as an opener… very delicate situation! must be handled with skill. I have spoken to the child or the parent a number of times usually (not always) with good or neutral results in the moment, but I am a certified communication counselor. don’t be hard on yourself for not speaking….be compassionate to the powerless frightened child…both within you and in the situation. sometimes a gentle smile to the child when no one is looking can help or touching your heart and “sending” it to them…when parent doesn’t see it. but be careful!

dear @pendragonart, thank you for this information. after reading your reply and thinking again and again about all the ramifications that i never thought about i realize you are so right. myself and others can do much more harm than good. (but why do i still want to throttle the (curseword) person)? it is still pent up in me what was done to me many, many times over and again. it wells up in me, time will not heal this in me. i must continue to live with it. rather than continue to hear the screaming for over 20 minutes as i shop; i will leave the store and come back later. just want you to know that THIS WAS THE SECOND TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED WITH THE SAME MOTHER AND THE SAME CHILDREN. i was thinking of waiting, getting the license plate number as she left the store and annonamosly sending it to child protective services. i did not do this but i dream.

@peach414144 Sometimes I am playing with the idea to report such parents, especially when it is clear that we are speaking about abuse there. But I’ve never had courage. Then I feel guilty for doing nothing to help the child.

dear theotherone, yes the guilt trip when not doing anything for the child bothers me for quite a while.

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