You describe a history of being abused and treated poorly by others. I believe this may result in you being hesitant (consciously or subconsciously) to treat yourself with all of the goodness you deserve.

One thought only - if your daughter were the one telling this difficult story to you - if the events happened to her, what would you tell her?

Would you say, “Try one therapist, and if that doesn’t work, assume others will be the same, and live with this deep discontent?”

I would simply say, treat your soul as you would the soul of a daughter or best friend. We are all human. We are all deserving of finding goodness amidst difficult times.

Best wishes!!