Hi guys. I haven’t told anyone here, I don’t think, the real reason(s) for my depression. Yeah, I was molested by my dad, one brother doesn’t believe me. Why would I lie? No benefit to it. Anyway, I was married for 22 years to a man whom I loved very much. I fell in love with him because he treated me so well. I had never felt that before, especially from my first husband. However, I should have fallen in love with him because he treated my kids well. I didn’t see it at first. (Blind?) But he was short with my kids, impatient, and rigid. His kids were good as gold, of course, not. Over the years he became mocking, silent, sullen, and harsh with them. I stood in the middle and played referee as long as I could until one night when my daughter became afraid that he was going to hit her. I was awakened by her loud, terrified, crying and yelling. She had hidden in my bathroom with the phone ready to call 911. It seems he had gotten so angry because my daughter and I had gone out earlier in the day shopping and spent too much money. No, we didn’t, but he exploded nevertheless. That was 2005. In 2006 we divorced. I still loved him. We tried for 8 more years to get back together, my moving in and back out with him. It was painful and tiresome. His grandson seemed always to be around. Finally, in 2012, his grandson got a job with a security company under contract with the Department of Homeland Security. Yay, I was hoping he would move out. But, no. At some point he came home upset and was talking to my ex. I found out later that his grandson had told him there had been a fire fight in a building somewhere, I forget where, and a few people had been killed, including his immediate supervisor, who was his mentor. Over several months, I was told I couldn’t talk about it, but I needed to talk about it. This kind of thing didn’t happen to real people. But I was told, yes it does, it happens more than you think. Military or FBI, CIA, go into people’s homes and they just disappear, they’re never heard from again. I rebelled. I talked about it all the time, to them and my kids. I was told, shhh, they’re listening, they had our houses bugged. They wanted me dead because I was talking too much. This all happened over many months, with his grandson constantly running to the windows to check the surroundings. One night I was standing in the dining room and heard someone whisper from the carport, a derogatory remark. Heard it plain as day. It only added to my fear. I was terrified. So I finally moved out in the latter part of 2012. I was staying with my kids. My ex dropped all of my belongings, minus any furniture, on my front porch. We had decided that he would take them to a storage area. I was so angry, frustrated, and hurt that he did this that I slapped him on the face and broke down crying. An hour later I was being arrested, and handcuffed by the police. He had called and initiated a restraining order. I had no contact whatsoever with him for an entire year, all the while being in fear for my family’s lives. I still couldn’t talk about it because I was convinced it was all real. I waited for some people to break down my sliding glass door, or for a knock on our front door. That’s where my Harley comes in. If I hadn’t had him I sincerely believe I would have lost my mind, all of it, not just the part I’m missing now. I still haven’t been able to talk to a therapist about it. Of course, now I know it was all a lie, an elaborate, heinous, lie, for my benefit. There is the fact that my ex’s grandson was bipolar, and possibly schizophrenic. But I did hear a voice on the carport. And, if my ex wanted me to leave all he had to do is ask. Did he believe his grandson? I don’t know and never will. I was hurt so much by him by such a cruel lie.. But, I still ask myself, what if it was real?
Liked by Jim, Alumni Mentor