@bren1985 hey I'm lilgriz but you can call me Serina. Boy I could talk to you forever we seem to share a lot of the same feelings. I was diagnosed as Bipolar 1 in 1999 and have went thru hell trying to find a semi stable state in my life/head. I've lost all hope for a completely stable state of mind but semi seems to be working pretty good. I am usually manic more than depressed but I rapid cycle sometimes each day. I also have ms and my medicine for it causes depression. hahaha. Like I need any help?! But no that is not what always happens. I have the opposite reaction and get manic like really, really manic to were I may sleep 3 hours on a good night. And then this builds and builds and I crash into a huge depression which is where I am at now. I've been sleeping so much I got up the other day and ask my dad what he wanted for breakfast and he said he was fixing to go to bed that he had just ate a sandwich for supper. hahaha. Its left me really confused that is just one example. But most the time I am not this bad and I pray it will pass quickly. I don't have a therapist, I think I ran them all off. hahaha. But I love my psychiatrist. She is a wonderful and caring woman. I have taken one antidepressant for years and it has worked well for me but it has help as I take a once a month injection also and between the 2 they seem to work pretty good. Before 3 years ago I had been in the psych ward at least 30 times but I haven't been back in about 3 maybe 4 years. I understand this dark place you feel your in and for me it was very scary. I have no memory when I walk around in these confused states of mind. I probably should be in the hospital. The last couple of days I have been sleeping about 15-16 hours a day. Then get up wonder around the house lost. Half the time I don't know what day it is. But I am not freaking out yet. the episodes don't usually last that long before I shake them off. I believe your doing the right things to fight your depression and even though I don't do it now because I just had 2 back surgeries this year is exercise. Ask your doc; exercise is the best pill you can swallow. As far as finding the right antidepressant goes you have to be patient and remember that psychiatry is a lot of trial and error. But you all will figure it out. I hope you get to feeling better quickly and getting to know you better Brenda. And don't forget, we will be hear to talk to when you need someone.