Hello @bren1985, I would also like to welcome you to Connect and let you know that you are not alone in your feelings. I know it took a lot of courage to reach out and share your story and I believe that is a great step to helping yourself. Your story is not unlike our son's who was also very bright. I taught him how to play chess when he was in the 4th grade and would let him win occasionally (I'm not a good chess player ☺). Then he took lessons at a summer camp and played me about 3 times winning all 3 matches. After that he wouldn't play me anymore - not enough of a challenge.

His episodes also started when he was young - 12 or 13 and he's now 47. He spent well over a year in the hospital and over the years has been on many medications most of which caused him to sleep a lot. He has had several doctors/psychotherapists through the years and they have helped him try different medications and adjust the time of day he takes them so that he sleeps better at night and can function at work.

Please don't give up hope. I know the situation can seem bad and you may be struggling now but it's just one point in time of your life's journey. You have brighter days ahead. Like Lisa, I'm also happy you are taking some positive steps with the self-care. Keeping a journal as Teresa (@hopeful33250) suggests is a good idea. I think it may also help you communicate your feelings with your doctor.

Hoping for some answers and help for you.

John