I hear what you are saying. I have had depression and Anxiety for 30 years and in the past was given medication and i pulled out of it. Not anymore. Iam now 72 years old and have not been able to pull out of this depression/anxiety. This depression has been going on for 1 1/2 years. Iam so sick of the anxiety and depression. I also have a heartbeat irregularity that really makes me nervous and anxious. It is also getting worse with age. I have also developed cramping and weakness in my lower legs I go to a doctor and they pour tons of pills on me and PHYSICALLY I feel worse than before. I worry I am having a heart attack. I fear that i will have to be hospitalized for my heart and that they will take me off all my meds cold turkey and that it will cause withdrawals which could also kill me. I have been on 250 mg er Seroquel 1 time a day and Buspar 10 mg 2x a day for over a year and Remeron for 10 years at varous doses. I also take BP Meds Lisinopril and a waterpill and Propanolol. I try to tell my husband about my fears and how i feel but after all these years, he is tired of listening to me. I just feel alone and like Iam circuling the drain. You are not alone. I just want to feel relaxed and tranquil and enjoy .whats left of my life. It is hard to get good mental care in our area. Iam going to my physician. and he sees me every 3 months. I dont feel any support from him. I do have a physchologist i see but i have problems with all the mindfullness, CBT and relaxation etc. In short, iam a mess.