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I hear what you are saying. I have had depression and Anxiety for 30 years and in the past was given medication and i pulled out of it. Not anymore. Iam now 72 years old and have not been able to pull out of this depression/anxiety. This depression has been going on for 1 1/2 years. Iam so sick of the anxiety and depression. I also have a heartbeat irregularity that really makes me nervous and anxious. It is also getting worse with age. I have also developed cramping and weakness in my lower legs I go to a doctor and they pour tons of pills on me and PHYSICALLY I feel worse than before. I worry I am having a heart attack. I fear that i will have to be hospitalized for my heart and that they will take me off all my meds cold turkey and that it will cause withdrawals which could also kill me. I have been on 250 mg er Seroquel 1 time a day and Buspar 10 mg 2x a day for over a year and Remeron for 10 years at varous doses. I also take BP Meds Lisinopril and a waterpill and Propanolol. I try to tell my husband about my fears and how i feel but after all these years, he is tired of listening to me. I just feel alone and like Iam circuling the drain. You are not alone. I just want to feel relaxed and tranquil and enjoy .whats left of my life. It is hard to get good mental care in our area. Iam going to my physician. and he sees me every 3 months. I dont feel any support from him. I do have a physchologist i see but i have problems with all the mindfullness, CBT and relaxation etc. In short, iam a mess.
Replies to "I hear what you are saying. I have had depression and Anxiety for 30 years and..."
Thank you for your kind words Jim. I feel sorry for people that have to share their lives with a depressed person. I just wish there was a way to make them truly understand how you feel. It is so hard to explain something that you dont totally understand yourself. It seems whenever i have a trauma happen in my life, my depression goes wild. I wasnt totally stable but was functioning than i lost my beautiful 2 year old heart dog to a vicous fungus infection. It just destroyed me. I loved that dog with all my heart. I also lost my old dog it was expected but still hurt. .it was just too much. Iam a dog lover and i grieve for them just like i do a person. It seems like there is always a trauma or disaster waiting out there to knock you down.
Two years ago, my service dog, Barnabas, died suddenly from a stroke or some other brain event. Just a week earlier the vet did a checkup and said he was in great health and had years of life left. It was just out of the blue! I still miss him. I love my new dog, Sadie, but the loss still hurts.
Jim
So sorry about your loss, it’s a tragedy when you lose a beloved pet. Enjoy your Sadie, she’s a beauty.
Sorry for your loss ! Dogs Rock !
VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS ! SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE IS HAPPY !
She is beautiful. I had a dog that looked like her when i was a kid. Is she a boarder Collie?
This was my beautiful Toby. A 95 lb Giant Schnauzer. He was only 2 years old.
Sadie is a rescue, but she looks like the model for McNabb on Google.
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@anniegk
I reached bottom 12 years ago, after I thought I had reached bottom several times. It took around 5 years to begin to see light, but even now, after 12 years of therapy and various medications, I still tell my therapist how tired I am of being depressed and dealing with PTSD, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I know that I feel better than I did 5 years ago, but chronic major depression and chronic pain are taking their toll. My wife was tired of living with the depressed me several years ago, and though we're still married - 46 years - and we share a bed, the fact that she can't really understand what I feel makes me feel almost abandoned. I have good doctors and a good therapist, and I have a strong faith in God and a good church with a pastor who knows about depression by experience. Without that support system, I know that I would have ended my life long ago.
I know that depression is a treatable disease. I also know that recovery from severe, sustained depression is more difficult.
After numerous suicide attempts I admitted myself to a facility, a very nice one, where I stayed for six weeks
They emphasized mindfulness and other therapies, but I'm slow to apply those things, and find that they help in the moment, but for me they're not a cure.
I'm rereading Darkness Visible, by William Styron. It's a very good book, written by a man who experienced the severe level of depression. He put into words much of what I've experienced.
As I said, it's treatable, but there's no quick cure, and the process is wildly different for each person. I believe that if you persist (which I know full well is nigh unto impossible for a deeply depressed person), your life can be better. Mine is.
God bless you with your journey.
Jim