I too have been depressed, with anxiety, PTSD. Trauma for over 2 years since I had a series of life devastating events and Burnout in 2015. The depression was starting to lighten a bit until I was retriggered a few months ago .... now the depression is almost worse resulting in hopelessness and despair. I understand this is part of the journey and disease. I also understand why I'm depressed but just having a hard time since nothing appears to be working much since I was retriggered. I've tried a few different medications but have a strong aversion to medication (due to childhood trauma) but know that at this point meds might be very helpful if the right one is found. I'm also an emergency first responder and healer myself and now experiencing the "perfect storm" at age 60. My life's complex trauma and grief along with current stressors have caught up to me to be addressed. Curious how others deal with the hopelessness and despair? I really struggle in the mornings since I have not be able to work much at all for 2 years now because I feel so ashamed of my situation and work really triggers me .... those feelings of failure and worthlessness. Also, my family is doing the best they can to support me but they are also becoming distant because they no longer know how to help or support me .... that is devastating because it reinforces the abandonment and feelings of failure ... thank you for the opportunity to talk .... bless you all ...