@maggieinfp is right. It is hard to overstate the effects transplant meds have on the body. I can remember the mood swings, depression and feeling so disoriented. One moment I was laughing for no reason and the next I was crying uncontrollably. I can remember talking out loud to myself and feeling embarrassed when my wife would ask me who I'm talking to. I know another transplant recipient, who bought the same set of headphones off Amazon and stacked them in the corner of his room. 200+ of them! Yet another bought dozens of outfits online and she never opened a single package. I used to think I was tough but and resilient, but those meds literally broke me. FYI, most transplant recipients I know felt mostly normal after a year.