You already know alcohol is an insidious villain. Feels good, but a slow painful death. Sorry to be so blunt, but stop the booze and go to meetings!
My infancy, childhood, and growing up were torture, abusive, and stole my life from me. Something in me, for which I cannot take credit, made a life different for me than the one I was "supposed to" have had. Or, maybe this IS the life I was supposed to have had.🤷‍♂️
There is still time. Find, yield to, and enjoy what gives you meaning, no matter what anyone else says. (Viktor Frankl).
Jung said until a person finds God, they will not stop imbibing. Spiritus (the Good Spirit) against Spiritum (the boozy destructive spirit 96 proof).
This God business is not about becoming a holy roller. It's finding out about this Glorious Existence made by some Creator (always a mystery to us, but SOMETHING must be driving all this), all the infinite moving parts, and (y)our place in it.
Once the connection is made, Oh! So that's what all this us about! I didn't know, ten minutes there makes everything else worth the trip. AA meetings are a great place to start.
Let us know how you are doing. No one is alone.