Thanks for holding this space! Queen of guilt here!

I am the wife to my high school sweetheart and husband who has been living with chronic back pain throughout 14 of the 35 years we've been married.

As a caregiver, I mostly feel guilt for our kids. Our children were young at the time when this started and were raised through all the procedures, surgeries, therapy, medications, financial changes, relocating, healing cycles. For a younger family early on there were no internet and few resources or time in the day to navigate the system to help kids deal with loss, change, etc. on top of just living life. The guilt in not being able to "fix" things for all was huge. We kept hoping the "next thing" would make it better and we would get back to a sense of normalcy.

Just like that! They are all grown and adulting!

He just recently had a third spinal surgery and so the cycle starts again. We have walked through lots of good times and losses of all kinds in 35 years, but there is no beginning or end to this. It will be lifelong which took a long time to accept. We live a different daily life experience from anyone in our circle. The impact living in pain has on mental wellness compounds the challenges.

We all just need enough good days to carry us through the rest! Wishing you Peace!