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Two questions - Partner Support; Discomfort with Expanders
Hi! So many questions!
I had a double mastectomy in June and was on the mend! Then I got an infection around my left expander and needed emergency surgery to remove it and clean out the infection. No need for chemo or radiation. I will be on Letrozole for several years. Reconstruction is scheduled for the end of next month.
Partner Support:
My partner is struggling with understanding where my mind is. I am depressed (working with my psych meds and oncology psychologist so do have support!), and struggle day to day with communicating my feelings/needs. I have gone extreme introvert and have not been sharing my true feelings; just putting on a happy face - "I don't have cancer!" But it has been brutal.
What supports do you recommend for husbands/partners? Any book recommendations? Articles/blogs, etc.? I have started sharing my feelings more but what I need is for him to understand that just because I am now cancer free, the journey isn't "over."
Another question - for those who chose implant reconstruction, are implants more comfortable than expanders? The expanders are SO uncomfortable. Pokey, inflexible, hard as rocks. I need to get my head around whether I will be uncomfortable forever or if maybe it will get better with implants.
Thank you!
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Share with your partner my breast cancer in a man podcast interview.
Your partner will be able to understand how I processed the diagnosis and managed.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cancer-caregiver/id1504166813
I have learned that until a man has breast cancer, only then do men that do not, try to understand.
I had surgery, chemo, and now am on a 5-year daily treatment that causes menopause and hot flashes. Many men do not believe me. 🙁
I am cancer free but its a journey to keep it from returning.
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2 ReactionsThe good news is that yes, once the expanders are gone, so is the misery, at least for those of us whose experience with tissue expanders was negative. I'm using the less emotional term "negative" because I already used the word misery! The good news is the end is in sight. You will feel so much better once they are removed.
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1 ReactionBig yes, the implants are so much more comfy than the icky expanders. You will feel such relief. My husband was always trying to be helpful by saying I was healing and getting better so don't be depressed. I know it's just the way men's brains work. They want to fix things. What's over is over and what's done is done. You can gently try to remind him that that is NOT how a woman's mind works, and, that mastectomy isn't like removing a splinter. It's two (in my case) amputations. He would not like having his testicles removed, and when you say that, he will twinge and make a face, to which you can say "exactly". It's a big deal and we just aren't going to get over it as if it were nothing. Let him know that it attacks our perceived notions about womanhood, how we are attractive or not, to our spouse. It doesn't matter how HE feels, it's how we feel and how we heal. Have him read some of these posts so that he knows it's not just you who is having a difficult time . He is no different from most people who haven't had the mastectomy experience. All we can do is let them know, make some teachable moments, because they don't really intend to be mean or heartless. Wishing you the best healing experience.