Can anyone relate?

@grasping Sorry I know that probably sounded pretty stupid of me. Of course I'm in a bad health situation too. I guess that's why we're all seeking Mayo clinic. Hope you get better. God bless.

@grasping Yes with major depression in can require much more than just thought. Yet isn't it your thoughts that are driving your depression? Or is your depression driving your thoughts? You indicated previously that you have bad thoughts about yourself, because of past things you have done. I always thought major depression, which I have had before, doesn't need any reason it is just something that is biological, or hormonal, or chemicals. You have made me think and remember what it was like. Of course, when I was depressed like that, I thought of all the bad things about myself, and that no one loved me or cared if I were to drop of the face of the earth. Actually, I still get those feelings sometimes. To tell the truth I can't think of anything that I did that helped. I didn't even have anyone to talk to. That was way before Facebook too. Somehow, it just seemed to go away by itself. At least that severely. Although I do seem depressed a lot still. It does sometimes seem to help when I am writing about it like I am now. I too have been to therapists who just seem to be reciting what they were taught from their textbooks and had no clue as to really understanding what you were going through. Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say that I don't believe telling someone who is clinically depressed to just start thinking positive thoughts, or trust in God, especially if they don't even believe in God. I guess if someone is taking a drug that actually helps, that is a good thing. Other than that, I can't think of anything else that would help except time. Of course, also not giving up. I gave up one time, this was another time, when I was in a very devastating situation that my mind just could not handle. Without any thought, or purpose in mind other than stopping the pain I was in, I almost killed myself. I will just say the drugs you get from the drs. don't go well with Mad Dog. That is, MD20/20. When I woke up in the hospital after having my stomach pumped, there was no one there. Not even a dr or nurse, let alone the person who brought me there...my husband. So, I just got my things and left, and started walking, and kept on walking until I got back to my home, where my husband was with his girlfriend. Well, I won't go on any further. I have never said any of that before to anyone. I just wanted you to know that I know what real depression is, and that I understand there often is no one around you can trust to help. But here I am now. I didn't give up, although not consciously, I never thought about it after that. I am not sure this helps anyone else. But it helped me to say it and remember it. So, again I say, don't give up and keep talking.

Just checking in to see how you are doing. I have been thinking about your self loathing. Perhaps if you embrace the concept that you are not worthy you can go about changing that one small step at a time. Do or think about something positive and show yourself that you can participate in that part of yourself too. Try to increase positive actions and thoughts slowly until you accumulate enough to take the edge off that negative self image. I am convinced we all have good and evil within us. I try to enhance the good as much as I can realizing that I (or anyone else) will ever be perfect. Sending you a hug, a smile, and the strength for you to see some good in yourself.

@parrot53

What struck me was Martha Beck's emphasis on doing What We Love, beyond what we must such as those that are necessary for our survival needs like food, shelter, safety,

What is besides these? Every Child-in-us knew: Playful activities that Martha Beck calls creative work that can expand into gardening, painting, whatever YOU LIKE, including PURPOSE of Your Life. How else one wonders a life would otherwise make Any sense? After all it's Your life; so let's live soon after basic needs are met doing what makes US feel good. That's what makes Each of us Valuable in the web of humanity as each flowers with their own gifts they bring. So her insight is spot on: Anxiety is the Result of what's missing in our lives. Fix anxiety by looking Away from it; by doing what matter to You. (I love u Martha!)

Nature couldn't be more generous, more kind and supportive of us. Hey, why else would she had made all this creation? Only an evil one would rejoice in our misery!
(I already feel a need to get up and do some kicks with classical music to fill space -- with my creaking old body -- join me folks at Mayo -- @grasping will you?)

@parrot53
thank you. I am really trying to be more positive. I went grkcert shopping today and, i t may seem simple but I went out of my way to be pleasant and smile at everyone. It made me feel like a better person. I hope you are doing well. I need to get out of my head and think of others. I do care how you and others are feeling. by

When Prayer Descends
From: Spiritual Formation: Following the Movements of the Spirit
How do we concretely move from head to heart? When I lie in my bed, not able to fall asleep because of my many words and worries; when I am preoccupied with all the things that I must do or that can go wrong; when I can't take my mind off my concern for a needy or dying friend – what am I supposed to do? Pray? Fine, but how do I do this?
One simple way is by slowly repeating a particular prayer with as much attentiveness as possible. Focused prayer, first in the mind and then repeated in the heart, becomes easier the more you practice. When you know the “Our Father,” the “Glory Be to God,” or the “Lord, Have Mercy” by heart, you have something to start with. Just by praying those prayers repeatedly. You might like to learn by heart the Twenty-third Psalm (“The Lord is my shepherd…”) or Paul's words about love to the Corinthians, or the Prayer of St. Francis (“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace…”). As you lie in bed, drive your car, wait for the bus, or walk your dog, you can slowly let the words of one of these prayers go through your mind down to your heart by trying to listen with your whole being to what you are repeating. You may be distracted by your worries, but if you keep going back to the words of the prayer, you will gradually discover that your worries become less obsessive, your attention becomes more focused, and you really start to enjoy praying. As prayer descends from your mind into the center of your being, you will discover its healing power.
Henri Nouwen
I read this recently and I hope it may help those struggling.

@grasping it’s been a while since you posted your plight. I am hoping you have added some small steps on your positive journey. As I said before, I subscribe to Nice News in my email to help me focus on the good things in this life. Today is Gratitude Day and they sent a link to help us do just that. I hope to pass it along so you and others can benefit
I am grateful for you, all the members here,Nice news in my mailbox, my friends and family (even the mean ones ), and music 🎶 which makes me happy.
https://nicenews.com/humanity/practicing-gratitude-become-happier/
Hoping you have a good day😊

@parrot53
From shmerdloff
Hi👋 grasping. Telk us your first name?

I think the First -- and a minimum -- step one needs to understand and accept is that what happened to us in the past was IN THE PAST and now, the TODAY, is entirely in my control how I REACT to it.

A lot of us have grown up -- and still do -- believing that children need to be harshly punished; perhaps life IS Harsh for many even today. But why should I, yes I in capital, need to even recall knowing well that it takes away my time Today? We probably heard of the news of the French wife violated sexually who refused to be silent about her name known. Today she already has a new relationship.

We don't need to Love ourselves, unless we mean it to Not Dislike. The child in us does not care -- does not want to know -- about liking or loving; it has a whole tapestry of life in its bloom in front staring with its spellbinding magic.

A life that has forgotten what an interesting life can be can learn from the child: Go for the most immediate available opportunity to get that glimpse of pleasure. In my local coffee shop sometimes 3-yr old show up and this one kept constantly trying to pull himself up without success next to where I was sitting. It was Doing something it hadn't but sees others able to. THAT, my friend is an impulse in all of us that needs it to be nourished. Call it pleasure of the new: in tastes, in smells and sounds, sights, touch, in body movements, in Imagi(c)nation.

That little pleasures snubbed or denied is Dangerous. It comes back with a vengeance, making us down, and sick and angry, until we attend to it. See nature is our ally? But if we still deny it to us who is to then point fingers to?

This reminds me of people saying to me just stop being depressed which makes me hate myself more because it is not that simple for me. I thought at least I could say to myself "It is not my fault I get depressed" I have read that it is a disease. I guess most people do not believe it. I thank you for your response but I cannot think my way out of this.