@rfmb- I'd also like to welcome you to Mayo Clinic Connect. I am a 23-year lung cancer survivor with stage 4 lung cancer. Instead of metastasis all of my lesions are considered very slow-growing primaries. I did feel guilt before I had chemo in 2008. Since then I haven't. My survival and my cancers are special to me. Another person could have the same cancer history but have a completely different outcome. I had a sister-in-law who also did nothing about her uterine cancer and died as a result of that.

In the past couple of years, I have lost 2 cousins, both male, who I grew up with. This was extremely difficult because as a combined trio we had our family's history from 2 sides of the family, plus our own. When they died I felt horrible and felt as if parts of me died with them. But not guilt. And the reason I think that I didn't feel guilty was that there was nothing I could do to keep them alive.

Survivor's guilt is a reaction to surviving a traumatic event that others have died in. Survivors feel guilty that they have survived a huge trauma and others – such as their family, friends, and colleagues – did not. But perhaps guilt can be used as a reminder that we are still here and to honor our family and friends by living life by going ahead and being the best that we can with it.

Who is to know why some people die and others live? I feel so lucky that I have survived for so long. I don't know why but I am surely thankful. By surviving I also found Connect and was able to get out of myself and help others with my support and experience.

Right now it doesn't matter why you are still here. There are just worldly things that can't be answered. Can you look at your survival as a gift and make the most of it?