@gingerw Your post brought me to tears, Ginger. If my husband remarries, I would hope he'd marry someone that shares your perspective. It's so hard to write that!!! We both have so much emotion tied to the subject of life for him after I die that the few times we've brought it up, it never goes well. We typically can talk about most things, but this has proven to be tough and his response so short and "off the table ", that I'm afraid it's simply not going to be productive for either one of us. In all fairness, this is us. We love each other very much! I have no doubt he is there for me until my last breath! But I am a counselor by trade, who's no stranger to tough topics and feelings galore and he is an appraiser supervisor, who deals with facts, concrete values, math and everything logical. lol All kidding aside, I wish I could explain how the comment crushed me. I tried the next evening because it weighed so heavy on my heart but the results were the same. I don't know if it's a protective mechanism, just can't go there, or if he truly feels that once I'm gone, "that's that" and he grieves and copes by tucking it all inside and moving on. You're so right. Everyone grieves in their own way and time. I just want it to be healthy - find some way to remember, share, talk about me, laugh about the good memories, to not be forgotten, but to make an impact, to make a difference in remembering my love for him.