Living with long-term bowel side effects post anal cancer treatment

I’m an anal cancer survivor (2014–2017) still struggling with severe bowel side effects years later. I’ve tried HBOT, biofeedback, and diet changes, but incontinence continues to affect my daily life and relationships. I’m looking for support, advice, or simply to connect with others who understand.

I am literally in tears. I have needed this for so long. I dealt with anal squamous cell carcinoma from 2014 to 2017. I did one round of chemotherapy, and I can’t remember how many rounds of radiation. I had the full support of my family and fantastic doctors, so I don’t have any complaints, but my life has never been the same. Until today, I had never found a place where I could ask questions (other than to my physician).

It has been 8 years since my last radiation, and I haven’t had a regular bowel movement since. It is always runny. My relationship has essentially been diminished into a roommate situation, because how can it be anything more when I basically have no control of my bowel movements? I can’t eat while I am out of the house unless I have a plan for how to get to the bathroom, and the bathroom must be available — so that rules out most public places. Going to the home of family and friends is embarrassing.

I have undergone several summers of 40 HBOT treatments, I have done two rounds of biofeedback therapy, and I have increased fiber intake. I have my regular colonoscopies done to make sure all remains clear, although the prep for the one last year felt like I was dying. But last night something that has never happened before, happened — I had a runny bowel movement in my sleep. I tried cleaning everything, but I had already moved myself to the couch to be closer to the bathroom... and now the couch is ruined. Everything else is washable, but it doesn’t matter how much I’ve cleaned it, the smell won’t go away, and I am mortified.

I frankly think my partner should find a life with someone else, someone who can provide them intimacy, who can go places with them, who can lead a normal life. It really is exhausting, and today I finally searched high and low until I found this group. And here I am, venting.

I don’t know what help I need. I don’t know what else to do. I have read about SNS but I am afraid of doing something that may interfere with future HBOT or MRIs.