Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer

I can appreciate how you are feeling @dakotapat - I have much of the same feelings. We are all going to die, it is the when and the how we have to stare in the face. Can't do much about the when, but we can the how - do we want to be gracious and accepting of God's will, or do we go down angry? Not that we're happy with our fate, but I believe in a grander plan that I am not necessarily supposed to understand right now. Jesus walked this walk, and I choose to have faith and have him walk with me through my walk. Take care everyone ~

Sending you a great big hug!!!! You have been so supporting of everyone who is struggling. I have a friend who has stage 4 ovarian cancer and is not doing well right now. We have kept in contact by e-mail and plans are to visit her when her energy is up. It amazes me when people say that family deserts them when in crisis. Cancer doesn't change the person!! My friend is the same friend that I've had for over 40 years!! Even her appearance hasn't changed that much. She has helped me in my struggles more than I have helped her with hers!! Her faith in God has sustained her through this two year battle. She is a wonderful person and a dear friend!! Scott, keep on doing what you're doing!! You handle situations with great understanding and we know that we can lean on you for support at any time!!!

Thank you for the kind words, @kateia They mean a lot to me!

One positive thing coming out of my years of caregiving was my shoulders broadened, my listening skills improved, and I learned to not wait to reach out to anyone I knew who was struggling, especially when it is with a chronic illness.

I have often pondered the trait of empathy, wondering if it is a nature or nurture thing. I am beginning to believe it is more nature. I had two sisters. We grew up in the same home, same place, same folks. Our mom was very empathetic and being as it was the 1950s she was our role model as Dad was the typical '50s working dad. I have yet to find an empathetic bone in their bodies, while I do. I see hints of this in some friends too. Some of them will make mention of how I go out of my way to maintain a friendship, tell me they are very appreciative of it, but then often end with 'but I couldn't do what you do to keep our friendship going.' More and more I am heading to 'nature' as the source. It just seems to be there in some and not in others. Thankfully both our children got the 'gene', but with the awesome Mom they had I am not surprised! She cared about others to her final day! Sorry for the ramble, it is just something I think about often and your post reignited it in me a bit! Thank you for that too!

I will be here -- and keep on keeping on for sure! To me it is the best part of Connect 🙂

Courage, strength, & peace to all!

Krishh, what a wonderful way to express your feelings. I too believe there is a plan for us all. Some plans better that others deciding on how we live our lives. I am 84 and have two kinds of lung cancer that was found 1 1/2 years ago. First not able to believe something so bad that can't be cured. I have mesothelioma in my left lung. Not curable! So just have to live the best I can till I'm called. (shortshot80)

Hello Allison, @allisonsnow

I've been thinking about you. I know that earlier this month you had a number of tests and appointments. How are you doing?

Teresa

Hi @testlady @hopeful33250 @tresjur @allisonsnow and @shortshot80 Today in my part of the country, the sun shines brightly for a while and then is covered by clouds a brief burst of showers. When the sun reappears, the water droplets on the pine tree glisten like diamonds. What does today look like for you?

(shortshot80, Today in my world the sun is shining brightly, no wind. Can hear the ocean as I sit here at my computer. I am patiently waiting for my cancer doctor to call and tell me the test she wanted has be done and I can start chemo. Also this afternoon my husband, #1 son and I are going to the casino to play bingo. We like to do this couple times a month. Some times we even win!!!!. My friend also let me know he will be here next month and help me finish my book. That will be just great. Soon I will let you know about my book. Have been thinking about this project for about 30 * 40 years. Now I need to finish it as time is getting shorter. Nancy

I have been battling metastatic breast Cancer now for almost 7 years. I never thought I would live this long. I'm at the point where I'm afraid I will run out of money before I die. I had a terrible time this summer with pain due to a fractured vertabra. I had to hire full time (40 HR a week) help to do most everything for me. I didn't bother to see if I could afford it because I just simply needed it not to mention a dog sitter for my two dogs while I spent 23 days in the hospital. Things are finally getting better--much less pain after spine lapindectomy and radiation. More radiation for brain tumors and a tumor in my jaw. I've told my caregiver I need her only 20 hrs a week now which didn't go over well. I'd like to have her more but I just can't make ends meet. I've told everyone not to expect much for Christmas. My problem is when all this was going on I made my peace with death and was ready to go. I'm still ready. I don't have much quality of life, my money is running out and I'm afraid what will happen next year when I turn 65 and have to go on Medicare. I have good insurance now through my last employer but my understanding is Medicare
has lots of co pays for everything. Then there's that donut hole which I'm sure to hit fairly quickly with these out of the world cancer meds. I know I have the option of throwing in the towel and saying no more treatment but my cancer is actually fairly indolent most of the time and even if I just get palliative care I could live indefinitely. I could have said no to back surgery but I would have ended up paralyzed fairly quickly so I'm glad I did it. The brain lesions might or might not have lead to my death but I didn't want to end up severely cognitively impaired in my last time with my family. I am on blood thinners because I had a couple of DVTs last summer as well as a PE. I could stop taking those and see what happens

Hello @sistie

I appreciate the post you have written about your struggles with advanced cancer. You speak to some important issues. Financial issues are a big part of living with advanced cancer and the need for help with activities for daily living. I can understand many of the choices you have made to take care of yourself and that is admirable.

Do you have a supportive community of family, friends, church groups that you can call in to assist you? Have you contacted your local American Cancer Society Chapter? They might also know of some assistance available to you.

I hope that many others in our advanced cancer community will join us in this discussion. You have brought up some very important thoughts.

Teresa

I have a friend who has just made the decision to forego any more treatments. The cancer has spread throughout the body. I have always supported her throughout the two year struggle and continue to do so. My dear friend is a Christian and has the comfort of knowing that in the end he/she will be with Christ. My question for you, cancer sufferers, what can I do to keep spirits up and let my friend know that I care and want to help.