Hi @lilgrizz I don't have Bipolar, but as I read your post I could relate some to what you were saying. Like being in abusive relationships and being afraid. I was married to an abusive man for over six years and took everything he gave because that was all I knew, it was what I'd grown up with. I too have not been in a relationship for many years. But the main reason I decided to reply to your post is that I felt sad as I was reading it. Sad that I got the feeling that you seem to be feeling hopeless. I just wanted to say that I have friends who deal with Bipolar and they are in their 50's, 60's, and 70's. I'm sure there are some in their 80's or even 90's that I don't know. I know that they all do well when they remember to take their medications regular and get counseling. So, I feel that if you take your medication regularly that you too may do well as you grow older. Do you have any support groups in your area? If not, maybe you could start one if you know others with Bipolar or similar illnesses, and just get together and share what helps for each and learn and grow from them. Anyway, I wish you well and that you have a good weekend!