Hi there! I’m new to the site so please bare with me if I appear like I don’t know what I doing cause I don’t know what i’m doing. I want even talk about everything that bipolar has done to my life in one entry. it would be easier for me to break up into sections of some kind. Right now I just want to give out a big hello and so glad I found this site. So far I think its great! I was diagnosed in 1999 with bipolar1, severe, PTSD, & panic disorder. I also suffer from multiple sclerosis, lupus, and degenerative scoliosis. I told my mom the other day that out of all my illnesses that by far my bipolar hurts me the worse. Not just mentally but physically as well. There is not one corner of my life that this sorry disease has not slithered into. And it never fails that when one disease flairs up, mania is there to aggravate it/me! and I just get sicker until I can’t hide it anymore and off to the hospital I go. I have been admitted to the psych ward over 30 times since it reared its ugly head. I guess one of the first things that bipolar did was make me sexually permissive. Then eventually I ended marrying two wrong abusive guys. I didn’t fight back I just curled up into the fetal position until they got tired of kicking me. I didn’t fight back even though I have a 2nd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, they were still bigger, stronger and in their anger crazier than me. I was afraid they would end up killing me. So I haven’t been with a guy since 1998. I’m now 50 and all that past violence leaves a deep scar that never goes away. My bipolar illness reminds me of it all the time. So that’s one area of my life that bipolar has effected my life and that is social friendships, having someone hold you when your scared or in pain. I do a lot of research and from what I read as I grow older bipolar will only make my golden years nothing but pure hell. I get scared just thinking about them. So to sum things up which i’m sure I didn’t make clear cause i’m stupid like that is I’m scared and lonely and in pain. Life stinks, and getting old, knowing what is in store for me really stink! I just don’t want to die alone not knowing who I am or who my family is. So tell me what has bipolar done to u in you’re life. It don’t have to be just bad. I would love to hear something good today.
Liked by Majic