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lilgrizz
@lilgrizz

Posts: 45
Joined: Aug 29, 2017

What has Bipolar not done to your life?

Posted by @lilgrizz, Sep 1, 2017

Hi there! I’m new to the site so please bare with me if I appear like I don’t know what I doing cause I don’t know what i’m doing. I want even talk about everything that bipolar has done to my life in one entry. it would be easier for me to break up into sections of some kind. Right now I just want to give out a big hello and so glad I found this site. So far I think its great! I was diagnosed in 1999 with bipolar1, severe, PTSD, & panic disorder. I also suffer from multiple sclerosis, lupus, and degenerative scoliosis. I told my mom the other day that out of all my illnesses that by far my bipolar hurts me the worse. Not just mentally but physically as well. There is not one corner of my life that this sorry disease has not slithered into. And it never fails that when one disease flairs up, mania is there to aggravate it/me! and I just get sicker until I can’t hide it anymore and off to the hospital I go. I have been admitted to the psych ward over 30 times since it reared its ugly head. I guess one of the first things that bipolar did was make me sexually permissive. Then eventually I ended marrying two wrong abusive guys. I didn’t fight back I just curled up into the fetal position until they got tired of kicking me. I didn’t fight back even though I have a 2nd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, they were still bigger, stronger and in their anger crazier than me. I was afraid they would end up killing me. So I haven’t been with a guy since 1998. I’m now 50 and all that past violence leaves a deep scar that never goes away. My bipolar illness reminds me of it all the time. So that’s one area of my life that bipolar has effected my life and that is social friendships, having someone hold you when your scared or in pain. I do a lot of research and from what I read as I grow older bipolar will only make my golden years nothing but pure hell. I get scared just thinking about them. So to sum things up which i’m sure I didn’t make clear cause i’m stupid like that is I’m scared and lonely and in pain. Life stinks, and getting old, knowing what is in store for me really stink! I just don’t want to die alone not knowing who I am or who my family is. So tell me what has bipolar done to u in you’re life. It don’t have to be just bad. I would love to hear something good today.

Liked by Majic

REPLY

Hi @lilgrizz I don’t have Bipolar, but as I read your post I could relate some to what you were saying. Like being in abusive relationships and being afraid. I was married to an abusive man for over six years and took everything he gave because that was all I knew, it was what I’d grown up with. I too have not been in a relationship for many years. But the main reason I decided to reply to your post is that I felt sad as I was reading it. Sad that I got the feeling that you seem to be feeling hopeless. I just wanted to say that I have friends who deal with Bipolar and they are in their 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s. I’m sure there are some in their 80’s or even 90’s that I don’t know. I know that they all do well when they remember to take their medications regular and get counseling. So, I feel that if you take your medication regularly that you too may do well as you grow older. Do you have any support groups in your area? If not, maybe you could start one if you know others with Bipolar or similar illnesses, and just get together and share what helps for each and learn and grow from them. Anyway, I wish you well and that you have a good weekend!

@magspierce

Hi @lilgrizz I don’t have Bipolar, but as I read your post I could relate some to what you were saying. Like being in abusive relationships and being afraid. I was married to an abusive man for over six years and took everything he gave because that was all I knew, it was what I’d grown up with. I too have not been in a relationship for many years. But the main reason I decided to reply to your post is that I felt sad as I was reading it. Sad that I got the feeling that you seem to be feeling hopeless. I just wanted to say that I have friends who deal with Bipolar and they are in their 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s. I’m sure there are some in their 80’s or even 90’s that I don’t know. I know that they all do well when they remember to take their medications regular and get counseling. So, I feel that if you take your medication regularly that you too may do well as you grow older. Do you have any support groups in your area? If not, maybe you could start one if you know others with Bipolar or similar illnesses, and just get together and share what helps for each and learn and grow from them. Anyway, I wish you well and that you have a good weekend!

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Hi @magspierce, thanks so much for responding to my post. Your reply meant so much to me. I loved hearing that you knew older individuals who suffered from bipolar in their golden years and where doing well. Thanks so much I needed so desperately needed to hear that. I like your idea about starting a group here were I live. I think I will look into that.

Testing….

Hello, lilgrizz!
I wrote you a huge reply yesterday, and maybe it was too long to get posted!
We have a lot in common.

I really wanted to say something good for you!
You are not alone.
So many people care about you, from your past, now – since you are this site, and so many people in your future you haven’t even met yet!

Here comes a big hug, from a complete stranger- but stranger no more- just for you! H U G !

I need to keep this short, because yesterday’s was so long, and I want to make sure you get this.

You are not alone. You are not alone. Please know that.

Sincerely, Majic, 46 years old, female, from Canada.
( if this msg gets posted, I will know that this site does not support emojis)

Here is your hug!

image

@majic

Here is your hug!

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@majic I got your hug. Thank you so much. I am so glad I found this site and compassionate people like yourself. I must admit that myself and probably others at first before posting anything would be skeptical as to the benefits of sharing your life with strangers at first but its been so theraputic for me and I’m just getting started. lol.

How are you doing today lilgrizz?
I’m thinking about you, wondering how your Tuesday went !
I had my first heart clinic appointment this morning, and stressed about it the whole night prior. I think my new ( and now second) cardiologist is going to take good care of me. He is sooo young! Do you feel that way about some of your professional help?!
When I got up this morning, my old anxiety issues popped up, I checked my phone for messages to see if he might have cancelled so I wouldn’t have to go.
I have Stage 4 congestive heart failure, with no cause yet, but the four heart pills seem to be keeping me symptom free. Yeah!
I hope it’s ok that I’m checking in with you….I hope you have a good Wednesday!
Majic

@majic

How are you doing today lilgrizz?
I’m thinking about you, wondering how your Tuesday went !
I had my first heart clinic appointment this morning, and stressed about it the whole night prior. I think my new ( and now second) cardiologist is going to take good care of me. He is sooo young! Do you feel that way about some of your professional help?!
When I got up this morning, my old anxiety issues popped up, I checked my phone for messages to see if he might have cancelled so I wouldn’t have to go.
I have Stage 4 congestive heart failure, with no cause yet, but the four heart pills seem to be keeping me symptom free. Yeah!
I hope it’s ok that I’m checking in with you….I hope you have a good Wednesday!
Majic

Jump to this post

Hey, @majic thanks for checking in on me. I think that was really sweet and it put a big smile on my face. That was something my face was not used to. Sorry it took so long for me to respond but some days I have a hard time getting out of bed much less doing anything else. I hate so much to hear you have stage 4 congestive heart failure. That must be really scary. My brother has stage 3 but I think the docs don’t know what the hell their talking about because they don’t have him on any medicine not even Lasix. I don’t know if I spelled that right. Talking about the docs being so young, I hear you loud and clear. In fact that is usually the second question out of my mouth. I swear it is. lol. Then I get depressed because I feel so old. Then I realize hell I am old then I cry. lol. If you can’t laugh at yourself even in the most dire situations then what can you do?! I hope u got good news from your doc.

Hello again, lilgrizz!
I hope you are well today……one day at a time, eh ? ( yes, Canadians even write “eh”!)
I’ve been telling myself to get into the shower and get dressed for more than a few days now. I took the sheets off my bed to get washed, to go to bed fresh and clean. Well that didn’t even work…no shower last night, plus I took one of the sheets back upstairs to sleep on and just a blanket over top. I think these are signs my depression is creeping around again.
It would take a few posts ( like you said in your first post) to explain all of my ailments, and why I feel connected to you.
I’ve suffered from Major Depressive Disorder, Seasonal Affect Disorder, PTSD, Agoraphobia. I was off of work for 5 1/2 years, and stuck in indescribable darkness. This past November, I finally recovered and even went back to work for 7 months before getting whomped with heart failure landing me right back at home!
Wow, that’s a lot of life in just a few lines!
I need to go for now, because for some reason I think I want to go take that shower!!
Majic

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