You will get better, with the right competent doctors. I'll tell you a funny story in response to "something as simple as calling for an appointment can be so hard to do?" When my Psychologist, who I had been with only about a month, said that he felt I needed some medication to help me out of that dark hole. YE GADS! That means a Psychiatrist! I didn't want to do that ...... why? Because I "knew" they were all whackos! Boy, I was a scared kid (at 60 then) when I walked into his office ..... and he was not a whacko at all. It's funny the things we think sometimes that hold up our healing.
Take care ..... keep writing ... we're all here for you, and believe me, many, many, of us totally understand.
abby