I feel your frustration, Peter. I use the Top Care underwear for men, and yes, even those leak a little, and I have to go home, take a shower, and put on a new one. It's so embarrassing. It can be better if you position your thing either straight ahead or up and straight. You mentioned that you're an active adult and love picking up your grandkids. My doctor says to make sure that you do your Kegel exercises every day. This will help you leak less and less until soon you will have control and no more leaks. I do my Kegel exercises throughout the day.