Although I am not in the same situation having to deal with cancer, I can really relate to all of the feelings you are having and needing to talk to others who might be experiencing the same things. And that's why I joined this site, because I feel like nobody can really understand how this feels, aside from other women who have already or are currently experiencing menopause. I am new to menopause, only having accepted the fact that it is happening over the last two years (though I can now look back and know it started way before that). Nobody ever talked to me about this or even attempted to prepare me for the the flurry of emotions this would cause in me. I also don't understand how women get through this. My crying also comes out of nowhere. I, too, have always been a strong, resilient woman, very independent, handling all of life's challenges with a smile on my face. Once I hit age 50, everything in my body started falling apart, every doctor appointment for the last 2.5 years has been a new diagnosis, a new syndrome, a new disorder, a new PROBLEM with ME. Thus, like you, I feel like I’m falling apart, and the last thing I want is to do is take another medication to manage the side effects of the medications I'm already taking. I also feel like I am sort of useless now with all these issues. And like you, I also barely recognize myself now, and you're right, it's very frightening. I feel like I'm in an out of body experience, looking at myself from 3 feet away, asking over and over who is this? What is happening to me? I didn't ask for this, I' don't want this, and please take it back. But the reality is, there is no taking it back, I don't have a choice, I just have to deal with it. My partner, on the other hand, he does have a choice. This is wreaking havoc on my long term relationship due to the fact that my libido 100% disappeared. We are in couples therapy, and I am also in personal therapy, trying to get myself to a better place with this. My therapist suggested this forum, and now I, too, am reaching out because I need to know I'm not the only one. I also want to know from others, does it get it better with time? What helped you cope (other than psych meds - don't want those)?