Connect
← Return to Some Good News to Report
Discussion
Comment receiving replies
@kartwk
I am glad that your husband's surgery went well. Sorry that you are not getting the break you so deserve. His refusal for rehab may reflect his fear of the unknown-strange people, strange bed, strange food and of not having you around as you likely represent safety and security to him.
My suggestion is to contact his surgeon and request IN HOME post-op physical therapy at least twice a week. Hopefully there are PT agencies that do in home in your area. Pull out the dementia card if needed saying that your husband needs in home PT because of his fear of new, strange places.
Having it in home will allow you to leave for that time and just get away from it all. Medicare and my supplemental insurance covered this for me. If approved, I would tell your husband that the surgeon has ordered this PT as part of what HE feels is necessary for a complete recovery and to minimize the length of time he will experience post surgical pain that he now has. That way he can be annoyed at the surgeon, not you, though he may still complain and say it is not necessary. I would just ignore that and schedule a session as he may go along with it once the therapist is at your house. My husband often says no to things that he will later do if put in front of him.
Be sure to give him his prescribed pain medication at least half an our before the PT session. The new hip should not cause any pain, but the surgery will have stretched the muscles over the hip joint, not to mention the surgical incision and that is what will hurt. Best of luck with that. Remember "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" and as my husband used to say pre dementia "Is this a hill you want to die on" Probably not. Just try your best and don't have an expectation for a specific outcome. That's all we can do.
We only have control over ourselves not others.
Replies to "@kartwk I am glad that your husband's surgery went well. Sorry that you are not getting..."
Connect
@ocdogmom
Thanks all. H is miserable today but laying low after what I found out he did. Not having a dementia diagnosis means that he can make his own decisions. That is what he did even though we agreed b4 the surgery that he would go into this particular rehab because they have one of the best therapists in the area. It was all set, we even went to the rehab ahead of time to check it out and make sure they had a spot for him, as I posted.
Now, at the hospital he decided not to do that and is convinced that he could still get the therapy at the rehab as outpatient. Well, ladies and gentlemen, H got that wrong too because he well, you know, cannot grasp everything. He is now upset that he cannot go there for outpatient therapy and I had to call the surgeons office so that she could send out an order to another therapy place. The surgeon does not like having a therapist come to the house and only does that under dire circumstances.
Now, he does not need therapy he can do it on his own because everyone at the hospital told him he did so well. He wants to do what is comfortable for HIM.
Friends, I just lost it at that point. I told him I love him, and I have stuck by him through thick and thin, but if this surgery goes south because he is being stupid, then I am going north because stupid is one thing I can no longer deal with. The whole thing is it is about what he wants, no care for anyone else and what I am dealing with with my leg and balance problems he does not care. I told him that what he was doing was not fair to me.
Dementia or not, THAT hit a nerve and he is laying low.
I am also putting together a report on his behavior about the surgery, his confusion about things, etc. and sending it to his PCP and telling him it is time to do SOMETHING. H is starting to be a hazard to his own well-being.