@kate14 How terrible for you to have to go through this and to deal with the trauma. When I had my diagnosis (basal cell carcinoma of the vulva) and surgery (partial vulvectomy), I talked with people I trusted who did listen to me. That's important for you, too. For whatever reason, I never cried about this--just dealt with it as it came. Healing is a long, slow process, both physically and mentally. Talking with someone you trust is vital. If you can't find that person, then talk or write to yourself. When I was dealing with breast cancer, I wrote emails to myself to express my concerns and my depression. We don't have any local groups to help with this unmentionable subject, do we? Write it down, think about it, feel it and soak it up like a sponge. We are still alive and have whatever time we have to find small pieces of life to enjoy and appreciate.