Yes, for sure - "heroic things" for me is simply staying balanced within myself and with God's Grace no matter what comes out of his mouth. After 53 years of so much disappointment and dysfunction already in this struggling relationship (especially on my side - his idea of "love" is more like: "I need you to validate ME" - it always has been all about him, his needs, his getting attention, etc.). When one of our counselors a long time ago asked me, "so this is all about him, what do YOU need?" - I fell apart b/c no one in my whole life including him has ever asked me that. With two beautiful daughters and their wonderful husbands and 7 grown grandkids plus my commitment to not break up a family like my grandmother and mother did - I've stuck it out & now that he really does need me to manage everything, I'll be here literally till death do us part.
His cognitive decline has made him a bit more easy to live with b/c he isn't holding onto grudges for weeks like he use to and has slipped into being even like a child at times. So I am thankful for each day I don't have to do some of the horrendous things the rest of you do. For now, it's about censoring what I talk to him about, taking care of the business of home & car ownership, keeping guard over our finances like a hawk, taking care of my own health(!!), getting use to my married yet single life style and hanging on to the good Lord like gorilla glue!!