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Does anyone feel old and useless with age?
Aging Well | Last Active: 2 days ago | Replies (533)Comment receiving replies
@pml and @lylii Young people these days are not interested in the elders - those days are long gone. One of my kids has said: “that was then - this is now” any time I have even broached the subject about life when I was growing up.
I will be 80 soon too and simply mentioned in one of my text messages a few months ago that we should spend more time together as I was approaching my eighties and didn’t know how much longer I would be here, adding that no one on both sides of my family had lived past 86. Both my daughters took offence, accused me of putting them on a guilt trip (one of them reminding me she and her father had cancer - albeit treatable) and both immediately blocked me from the chat! They have both come around since then, but our relationship still feels strained. They want to be in our lives on their terms, so I am now at a point where I let things happen, having no expectations of anything or anyone. They know they are loved, no matter what, and they know my door (and especially my heart) is open to them 24/7/365. Beyond that I can’t do anything else.
There is never any guarantee on earthly relationships and the only relationship we truly can count on is the one we have with God. He is, and always will be our constant in the lives of all of us. Personally, it gives me great comfort to know that.
Replies to "@pml and @lylii Young people these days are not interested in the elders - those days..."
@rashida
Thank you - I am so sorry your daughters actually blocked you - that is very sad. I am trying to learn to "expect nothing, and I won't be disappointed". You are right - God is the only one we can really count on to be with us.
@rashida
I am so sorry that your daughters have treated you so badly! That's not right. And you are such a nice person too! I can tell by all of your very nice comments you've made on Mayo Connect over time. You are right about today's younger people. They don't like older people. My own son hasn't contacted me in over 20 years. I'm not really sure why. The world is different today and not in a good way. However, you are right about having God in our lives. He is always there for us whenever we need him. I've needed God a lot since my husband died 2 years ago and he's always come through for me.
I'll say a prayer that things will improve with you and your daughters.
God Bless You!
PML
@rashida
The hardest realization for a lot of parents is to find out what the iconic poet and philosopher, Khalil Gibran says in his book, The Prophet: Our children do not belong to us even though they come through us...."
Now I know in agrarian societies our children often helped on farms, it was The Way life happened. So there was an unwritten social/moral contract.
But we are also the product of our environment. With easier ways to find what WE want out of One life we each is given is also nature's way to make sure each develops to their most potential and aspirations. I think this change is futile to fight or even grieve about.
How about we treated our children and even our friends from the past that each may find what They believe is good-for-them. We can always advise them but as adults we expect they need to do 'their thing.' It's Their One-life after all.
What older parents (or those without children) must do is to find Their Own Kind that Each Other finds INTERESTING enough to Want to meet the other: As Friends!
As one in 80s, this is what I seek out most Each Day, because life without a friend is not-life. (for Aristotle says its not worth living) but let's talk what WE older folks can do for Each Other today. If We didn't why wud anyone else?
So I say: Let's find those who you-want-and-they-you. That is paradise on earth for me. I wish you luck; wish me the same.
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@rashida "Both my daughters took offence ... and both immediately blocked me from the chat!"
That is unbelievably cruel. Apparently blood is only thicker than water when it flows in one direction.