Anyone Else With PTSD?

Hi, I was diagnosed with complex PTSD several years ago. Recently I attended a small conference as I am an Early Childhood Educator. This conference was about trauma, the brain and ACE's(Adverse Childhood Experiences). I have had treatment and therapy which allow me to at least appear like I am a functioning adult. Between Covid, the conference topic triggering me and I guess just life, I am really struggling today! Even had thoughts of driving my car into the harbour and/or using(in recovery). I came home instead of doing either so I guess I that is something. It feels like every time I take a step forward life slams at me. The conference has brought with it a tidal wave or memories and emotions. We were asked to score ourselves (ACE's) at this conference and I had an 8 out of 10. Ironically the only reason I did not have a 10 was because my father, who abused my mother, died when I was 16 months so I had zero for the question regarding parents separation/divorce and 0 for witnessing domestic violence. Unless you consider knowing your father beat your pregnant mother causing stillbirths and miscarriage until a doctor intervened when she was pregnant with me. I feel like I have no one in my life that understands just how hard it is to just get through the day sometimes!

@parus Grab your sketch pad and pencils. Draw it out. Lose yourself to those emotions and get them out of your systems. Then come back and post what you did. Please?
Ginger

No place to run, no place to hide. This wretched PTS is taking its twists and turns on a primal level. Surely things will level out-eventually. Feeling for those with this issue as there are times there are no answers other than to ride it through. I shall overcome and emerge a stronger person-or not.

Thanks for asking. The PTSD has a way of providing me with flashbacks. Just so much happening I get confused. I haven't watched the news or anything related to the perils the world is facing. It is the feeling of spinning out of control. Again, just part of how things are when the future mingles with the past. Also why I had not been participating here at connect as it can become too overwhelming. Mostly I was curious as to how others with PTSD, depression/anxiety, chronic pain and everything else that accompanies fears/insecurities. I lose myself in being creative. I miss time with family and the holidays are looming. Enthusiasm seems to be waning for much of anything. Have a feeling I am not alone. Takes constant vigilance once again. I swing by and read but have little to offer currently.
Again, thanks for asking. All in all I am okay just too much time alone reflecting. There are wonderful folks here and always good to stay in touch.

@marjou It helps to know it is not just me on this ride. It is what it is. I did not enjoy the rollercoaster as a kid either. Take care.

Can so relate to trauma flashbacks and current COVID mess. My depression and anxiety has kicked into overdrive. I've just spent the last 3 days in bed! Thanks for expressing how you feel for it helps me not to feel so alone.

Yes, @parus, riding it through is what is needed! I feel that you will emerge as a stronger person. What types of creative projects can you do right now?

Just cleaning, raking leaves, creativity at a low ebb. Recommend massage therapy from a friend or companion to relieve stress in muscles. Also yoga stretching, and walking. Movement is important.

Hi, I was diagnosed with complex PTSD several years ago. Recently I attended a small conference as I am an Early Childhood Educator. This conference was about trauma, the brain and ACE's(Adverse Childhood Experiences). I have had treatment and therapy which allow me to at least appear like I am a functioning adult. Between Covid, the conference topic triggering me and I guess just life, I am really struggling today! Even had thoughts of driving my car into the harbour and/or using(in recovery). I came home instead of doing either so I guess I that is something. It feels like every time I take a step forward life slams at me. The conference has brought with it a tidal wave or memories and emotions. We were asked to score ourselves (ACE's) at this conference and I had an 8 out of 10. Ironically the only reason I did not have a 10 was because my father, who abused my mother, died when I was 16 months so I had zero for the question regarding parents separation/divorce and 0 for witnessing domestic violence. Unless you consider knowing your father beat your pregnant mother causing stillbirths and miscarriage until a doctor intervened when she was pregnant with me. I feel like I have no one in my life that understands just how hard it is to just get through the day sometimes!

@parus Grab your sketch pad and pencils. Draw it out. Lose yourself to those emotions and get them out of your systems. Then come back and post what you did. Please?
Ginger