Anyone Else With PTSD?

No place to run, no place to hide. This wretched PTS is taking its twists and turns on a primal level. Surely things will level out-eventually. Feeling for those with this issue as there are times there are no answers other than to ride it through. I shall overcome and emerge a stronger person-or not.

No place to run, no place to hide. This wretched PTS is taking its twists and turns on a primal level. Surely things will level out-eventually. Feeling for those with this issue as there are times there are no answers other than to ride it through. I shall overcome and emerge a stronger person-or not.

Hi, I was diagnosed with complex PTSD several years ago. Recently I attended a small conference as I am an Early Childhood Educator. This conference was about trauma, the brain and ACE's(Adverse Childhood Experiences). I have had treatment and therapy which allow me to at least appear like I am a functioning adult. Between Covid, the conference topic triggering me and I guess just life, I am really struggling today! Even had thoughts of driving my car into the harbour and/or using(in recovery). I came home instead of doing either so I guess I that is something. It feels like every time I take a step forward life slams at me. The conference has brought with it a tidal wave or memories and emotions. We were asked to score ourselves (ACE's) at this conference and I had an 8 out of 10. Ironically the only reason I did not have a 10 was because my father, who abused my mother, died when I was 16 months so I had zero for the question regarding parents separation/divorce and 0 for witnessing domestic violence. Unless you consider knowing your father beat your pregnant mother causing stillbirths and miscarriage until a doctor intervened when she was pregnant with me. I feel like I have no one in my life that understands just how hard it is to just get through the day sometimes!

No place to run, no place to hide. This wretched PTS is taking its twists and turns on a primal level. Surely things will level out-eventually. Feeling for those with this issue as there are times there are no answers other than to ride it through. I shall overcome and emerge a stronger person-or not.

I have realized the more I started reading the more hopeless I became. What helps or works for one may harm another...my father always called me a lone fox as I much preferred nature and the creatures to hanging out or being sociable...weak-kneed describes me well now as my knees are in bad shape and doing physical therapy after being told to not walk since January and now being told to blah, blah, blah...I am weak in many ways and going through the bureaucratic hoops is part of life. Like so many things-"can't change it, can't fix it". By the time one hits 65 and can no longer physically work there is nothing much else left. I see people and smile and laugh-they all see me as happy, funny, entertaining...zaps my strength to do so and even a trip to the grocery is draining.

If knowledge is power and wisdom I have had my share...I stay safe w/ my paint brushes and now paint what is me and not what others want done for them.

I lived a life of being a people pleasing person and this achieved nothing other than wearing my body done to where it can no longer be a pack mule, work horse or gopher. I am not bitter as I did what I did because I genuinely cared...Took me a long time to realize the world is full of users and abusers. There was a time when someone told me something I believed them. This is no longer true for me. I have learned the hard way and much prefer spending my older years still being kind, but far more cautious. The more I start to hear pretty words the more I distance myself.

Could be worse as once I stopped listening to the perverted therapists and taking drugs prescribed by shrinks that were most seeking perks from drug companies...they never listened and went by what the therapist said...beware those wolves in sheep's clothing I tell myself now.

All of this jibberish comes from reading too much. If someone is wanting to translate this type of thinking into self-pity it is their choice. I personally believe the mental health system is highly over-rated and I am not a negative person so much as a realist as I see how cruel the world has become and always has been. Now there are those with degrees that cannot tell good cow dung from apple butter and surely cannot think outside the box and everyone should fit within the parameters of what they learned from books or the person they are working with is non compliant...my near fatal mistake was being compliant.

@deidre It's difficult to live each day with any level of PTSD, and then to have additional triggers in work-related activities must be a challenge. Did your choice to be an Early Childhood Educator come from your life experiences?

I am glad you didn't follow through on your self-harming thoughts today. What did you do when you got home? Do you have a family member or close friend to contact when you feel those iterations? Like @parus, I often will turn to journaling, or something creative, to get away from myself, and the triggers. If you are so moved, please call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
– Call or text 988
– Chat with a counsellor at https://988lifeline.org/chat/
Chat is available 24/7 across the U.S. You don't need your phone. You can chat on your computer.

Please let me know how you are doing now?
Ginger

Hi @parus . How are you feeling tonight?

@parus I am riding that rollercoaster too!🙏