I feel for you brother, you’re too young to have gotten this terrible cancer . I’m sure many of us even if we don’t admit it have had the dark thoughts you describe. I’m 79 but lived my life as if I were 59 until cancer hit me . My ED is mentally killing me each day and have beautiful younger wife brings tears when all we can do is hug . We each deserve to decide how important quality of life is to us , if I had it all to do over I would have tried to enjoy what time I had left and not had surgery, radiation and Lupron . I hope your wife understands how painful each day is for you . My wife tries to understand but she feels I should seek things that make me happy, not so easy . I use to fear death but I don’t anymore. I’ll be thinking of you and hope you find something that will ease your pain.