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@parus I am an incest survivor. I was physically and sexually abused as a child (we're talking broken bones stuff). I also was sexually assaulted as a young adult by a stranger. I decided to not let my abuse or past define me. I am a SURVIVOR. I do not need to give my abusers the power to continue to hurt me through flashbacks and triggers. They certainly aren't thinking on it any longer! A huge part of my childhood was taken - they WILL not take the rest of my life. It is MY choice. I am so very sorry you were not helped with therapy. There are some bad therapists out there, but there are many good ones. I am on medication for depression and find it really helps me. I know there are members in my own family who refuse to believe they have a mental illness (two are bi-polar and one is schizophrenic) and they "self" medicate with drugs and/or alcohol. It is so sad, as they are only making their life worse. There is no shame in having a mental illness. It is like any other illness. Your brain is an organ. If you had a brain tumor, you would get it looked at and fixed. But why people have a hard time with brain chemistry being out of balance and causing an illness (just like insulin in diabetes) is beyond me. I believe with all my heart and soul that there is help out there for everyone. Even if it is self education through books. The thing is, you must do all the hard work. Ignore what doesn't work for you and really practice what does. I am so sorry you feel so hopeless (sounds like depression to me - been there, done that many times!). There are even some studies which show brain chemistry is forever altered in children who have been through continuous situations of abuse and extreme stress. But this does NOT mean you can't live a good life. You don't have to be a product of your past. YOU decide who you want to be mentally and daily work to accomplish that goal. I am by no means saying it is easy. It is HARD, emotional work. It has taken me years (and, yes, medication). But I am so much better than I used to be. I, personally, also find my strength in God. I truly feel He has given me the strength and wisdom to move forward. I no longer hate my abusers. I certainly don't want to have lunch with them, but I can cast them aside in my mind with no anger when they pop up. So much is about changing the negative self talk, about replacing a negative emotion with a positive one. I will be praying for you. I know the road is long, but once you start putting one foot in front of the other and stop thinking about how far you have to go, you will see improvement.
Replies to "@parus I am an incest survivor. I was physically and sexually abused as a child (we're..."
Hi @parus,
I'm sorry if you found @blindeyepug's message to be anything less than supportive and encouraging. Blindeyepug is a longstanding member of Connect who regularly welcomes and supports new members, especially in the Mental Health group. She likely did not see from your previous posts in other discussion threads that your depression is treatment-resistant. Thank you for adding that explanation.
I assure you that, along with other mentors and members, Blindeyepug's message is one of understanding and support, and not intended to have a superior attitude. That is the limitation of an online community. We cannot use body language and tone of voice to convey our empathy. Therefore, when we read messages, we must use caution in our interpretation of the words. I hope you can accept our words as an embrace of understanding and support. That is what Connect is built on. Respect. Support. Inclusivity.
@parus
I profusely apologize for upsetting you. I honestly thought I was being helpful. I did not know your depression is drug resistant. That makes your struggle much harder. You must have felt even worse if you thought I sounded superior and preachy. So not my intent. I am well aware I do not have all the answers. Everyone's path is different. I was just sharing my experience in hope that it may help. I am saddened that you sound so hopeless. I was only trying to give you a light in your darkness. I apparently failed miserably. Please forgive me and know I would never intentionally try to make someone feel bad. Have you tried self help books since your experience with therapy has been so counter productive? I have read many and, again, I use what works for me and disregard the rest. I truly pray you find the peace you deserve. Again, so sorry my previous post was interpreted so negatively. I really was trying for a positive affect.
Dear @parus
@blindeyepug made a great suggestion about books. David Burns has written some good books on treating depression without drugs. Have you tried self-help books?
Teresa
Do you mind ifbi ask how old you are? You sound so wise. Iam 71, and i have trouble reading the self gelp books. My mind just waunders. I guess what iam trying to say is iam having trouble helping myself. It made me feel good that you have come so far.
@blindeyepug I am sorry for your abuse.
@parus. Thank you. I am very sorry for all you have been through.
yes, you are right. my mother was so abusive to me. when she was dying of ovarian cancer at age 90 i realized that she was mentally ill and so many years age there were not many treatments or diagnosis of mental illness. i sat with my mother near the end and told her of my love for her. she smiled and said the same. if you knew the whole story it was a "wonder" and a beautiful thing that this happened.
Hello @peach414144
Thank you for sharing your very profound story of love and forgiveness. I understand how difficult it is to have a parent with undiagnosed and untreated mental illness. It can make life very confusing unless you have a strong support network on your side.
Would you be comfortable sharing how you reached this point in your relationship with your mother?
Teresa
yes, i would like to share with you and whomever. but, it will be a very, very long responce. i will ave to omit some things to make it short. (we could write a book). both my parents were mentally ill. beatings, and mental abuse. one example: my father would break dinner dishes over my head many times. my mother would grab the hair on my head and lift me off the floor and then throw me. they used the belt buckle first and beat me, and on and on. they allowed my sisters to do the same, and all this with much mental abuse over and over again. i thought i was a nothing and that something was wrong with me. and much, much more. NOW: here is the answer you are looking for. it all came to a head when i received a telephone call from a representative of an abuse center for seniors. i was asked "what do i know about my mother being abused." .now, i did not live near my sisters and my mother. what i found out was when she (mom) wound up at the emergency room and after being treated, my sisters would send her home alone with no one to care for her.after they beat her black and blue and purple. to make this story shorter i got durable power of attorney and brought her up here where i live. i had her placed into a hospice care home HOW CAN ANYONE TAKE A 90 YEAR OLD WOMAN DYING OF CERVICAL CANCER WHO CANNOT EVEN LIFT HER HEAD OFF THE PILLOW AND BEAT HER BLACK AND BLUE? you would think that i would be the last one in this family to save her from this horror of abuse. my heart was bleeding. i spoke with her in between the morphine. read to her, and we both spoke of LOVE. there was a smile on her face. and when her time came hopefully she went in a better way mentally. i think it all boils down to FORGIVENESS. and now i am crying, but it is a good cry.
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would only like to say that my depression is treatment resistant as far as meds...I have tried many and things only became worse and if there were a medication that could help w/ the depression I would take it...Several therapists that had no experience w/ PTSD. Brain chemistry is not something I am ashamed of and all the comparing my mental status to illnesses and that I am refusing to do anything has been hurtful even if this was not your intent...Sound like those perverted therapists that had not a clue what they were doing and I ended up knowing more about their lives than they did mine. If you are somehow under the impression I am not putting one foot in front of the other you are way of the mark.
Thankful you you have been able to get help and also very sad and hurt w/ your superior attitude. Being spoken down to is not something I find helpful or encouraging.