In my case, struggles with guilt have been lifelong. Being a “black or white” (no gray) sort of person, it’s almost impossible to say I’m doing my best because deep down I know there’s always more I could’ve done.
For example, giving clothes to charity: why not give ALL my clothes except two or three necessary outfits? Or, seventeen frauds of patience don’t compensate for one impatient remark.
One method is, I try to tell myself what I would tell another person asking me for advice or feedback. Invariably, I cut other people WAY more slack than is allowed to myself.
A maxim I’ve shared with many people over the years, caregivers, clients, friends: You did the best you could with the tools you had at the time.
Yet somehow the bar set for myself is higher. “I had MORE tools, I could’ve acquired more tools, I didn’t use enough tools because I was tired/impatient/selfish.
Two years spent in counselling seven years ago, learning the difference between selfish and self care is now a huge, guilt-ridden struggle in my current situation.
Then I feel guilty because my situation is so mild, comparatively.
I join you, Scott, in unloading my dump truck full of guilt into the bottomless dumpster.
Thanks for donating the dumpster!!
🌻