Parus, I feel so badly for you and wish I could help in some way, other than sending prayer and healing and loving "vibes." Just being in such pain can cause high BP. I hope the side effects of the new med are minimal. I've been fighting my doctors about the same thing - tried taking the BP med, but it made me lightheaded and dizzy so I stopped. I will try another that a friend takes which doesn't have the side effects. I don't understand why the doctors can't find something to lessen your pain. No one should have to live with that. Do you see a pain management doctor? Mine has helped my pain, although I can no longer do any of the things I used to. Being unproductive is depressing, but I try to remember all of the things I was able to do until 8 years ago. I hope you stop feeling like a burden to society, and useless. I'm sure you have accomplished a lot in your life. This is just a period in your life. I wish I could find the words. You are talented and your artwork is beautiful. My pain doctor has prescribed the dreaded opiods, but I know when I take one, the pain will lessen. I take them as prescribed, no more. I hope you see a pain doctor as well since it sounds as though you need relief from your pain. I don't know your situation, but hope that you feel better mentally and physically soon. Sending you hope "vibes" as well. Hugs.