Should I tell my children that I’m having surgery?

@jcf58 - I also agree on the public service announcement aspect. All my nephews except for two are 40yo and older, so they’re entering the awareness zone. Should they ever need to get a biopsy or an MRI, or ever get diagnosed, I want them to remember how transparent I was/am about things and be able to openly ask me anything.

Absolutely, I did tell my adult kids. They deserve to know what is going on with your health.

Why wouldn't you? She's an adult and this is part of life. I told our daughter and between my wife and I the whole family. Our oldest niece had cancer in her hip, we compared treatment side effects notes and our emotional journey and are closer today as a result.

Years ago while in South Africa a large horse I was riding threw me and I shattered my collarbone. It required surgery, but I was soon up and around with my arm in a sling. We decided not to tell our adult children since they didn't know about it, there was nothing they could do about it, and I was doing fine. However, during our travels one time we inadvertently sent them a picture of me with elephants in the background. Of course my son asked why I had my arm in a sling (he didn't say anything about the elephant, but noticed the elephant in the room - my sling). They were not happy that we hadn't told them about what happened.

Since then I've been pretty open with my PC process all the way from initial tests to diagnosis to treatment (surgery/salvage radiation/hormone therapy) and follow up lab tests (so far so good). Both our children want to know. So it took a previous medical incident to find out their wishes in these matters.

Thank you all so much for your incredibly compassionate advice. I wanted to let you know that my surgery was a success! I’m already on day three of recovery and bouncing back quickly—I only needed the strong pain medication for the very first day. I’m currently adapting to a few little post-op extras I hadn't anticipated, but I am strictly following the excellent routine my care team laid out.
I initially hesitated to share my situation because my grandsons lost their grandmother to cancer a few years ago. But thanks to your warmth and encouragement, I feel ready to talk to them about my surgery.
I completely understand that any future medical advice will come from professionals, but I truly just wanted to hear firsthand what others have experienced. I’ve only had two years to familiarize myself with this disease, and I am still navigating it all. For now, I am keeping this private from my everyday social circles at the gym or spa. Even though I am reluctant and suspicious of online bots and big brother, there is a unique comfort in talking to people online; sometimes the anonymity makes it so much easier to open up. I deeply appreciate your support. 🫂

It's just after midnight on Day 4 of my recovery, and I woke up after going to bed around 9:30 p.m. I wanted to share a few observations from the past several days in case they help someone else going through a similar experience.
One thing I've noticed is that certain foods and drinks seem to affect how I feel. Yesterday, I experienced some pain on my right side and lower back. At the time, I had been drinking organic coconut water, but by the third day I was drinking darker-colored beverages such as ginger tea, along with water and coconut water. When the pain started, I decided to stop the darker drinks and switch primarily to water. Today the discomfort seems somewhat improved, although I can't say for sure whether it was related to the beverages themselves or simply the way I was sleeping in my reclining bed.
I've also been paying closer attention to my sugar intake. Early in my recovery, I was eating foods such as mashed yams, applesauce, Jell-O, and drinking sweet ginger tea. While these are easy foods to tolerate, I realized I was consuming far more sugar than I normally would in a day. Because of that, I began cutting back and focusing on simpler foods.
Looking back, I probably would have done well sticking mostly to water, mashed yams, and plain rye or white toast during the first few days. I also had avocado and some Whole Foods baked Italian bread. Today I'm planning to skip the avocado and keep things even lighter. My menu will likely consist of bananas, white toast, and a simple soup made with chicken broth, spinach, and white potatoes. I've even considered blending some of my meals to make digestion easier, although I'm not sure that's necessary.
On the positive side, my pain level has improved significantly. At this point, one Tylenol and the lidocaine patches seem to be all I need. The catheter itself has caused very little discomfort. Most of my pain comes from the incision sites, which I expected.
This isn't my first major surgery, and before this operation I spent a lot of time preparing my body. I regularly took cold showers and used cold plunge pools at the spa as a form of discomfort training. I also practiced intermittent fasting and often limited my eating window to about six hours per day. Whether that preparation has helped, I can't say for certain, but I do feel it gave me confidence going into surgery.
My appetite is definitely lower than normal, although I suspect that's part of the healing process. I've also experienced occasional brain fog. At times I've mispronounced words, misspelled words, or lost my train of thought during conversations. None of this has been severe, but it has been noticeable. Between the anesthesia, medications, disrupted sleep, and the body's focus on healing, I suspect this may be a normal part of recovery.
Overall, Day 4 has been a lesson in paying attention to my body. Every small change in food, hydration, sleep, or activity seems to have an effect. I'm continuing to learn what works, what doesn't, and how to support the healing process one day at a time.
One AI, “medical note: the brain fog, word-finding difficulty, and reduced appetite you describe are fairly common in the first week after major surgery, especially after anesthesia, disrupted sleep, pain medication, and the physical stress of healing. If those symptoms suddenly worsen, become severe, or are accompanied by confusion, weakness, or other neurological symptoms, you should contact your medical team promptly.” And don’t forget to walk, walk, walk….. I rinsed out the inside of the catheter. I was cleaning the outside daily while taking a shower, but I was more focused on the bags of the catheter than the catheter itself. Mentally me time to adjust to having something protruding out of my little friend.

I also while writing this left on my catheter clamp, forgetting to take it off when I put on my smaller urine bag. When I took it off a sharp pain went through my buddy.

@layingthegroundwork
I wonder why you didn’t take two acetaminophen pills for pain. I started taking two 500 mg acetaminophen pills the second day. That was all I needed, and I really didn’t feel any pain at all, at the most a slight discomfort. Taking only one pill was way below the standard dosage and not really designed to help pain in an adult.

There is a standard dosage of 1000 mg every six hours. You might not have needed the lidocaine patches.

I never had to worry about what I was eating, Nothing seemed to bother me at all. I wasn’t drinking tea. I was drinking mainly water however. It could be the standard dose of acetaminophen resolved the eating issues.

@jeffmarc I didn’t need much but I did need some of the hard-core stuff in the early beginning at least for one day, but it kept making me too dizzy. What should I be looking out for next?

@layingthegroundwork
At this point, the main thing you need to look out for is your PSA test at eight weeks or so.

On my fourth day after surgery, I was out at three clients offices, working on their computer problems. I might have felt a little discomfort, But not much. Yeah, I had a catheter in for 14 days, but it was not a big deal. Nobody noticed it. On the seventh day, I went back to work full-time. At that point there was no discomfort at all though I was taking two acetaminophen every six hours.

Taking out the catheter is pretty pain-free. The question is how much you were going to leak after they remove it. Bring pads with you, You probably will need them, but it’s not guaranteed. One thing you’ll learn is that off brand pads don’t work too well. I have heard the Amazon ones work well but the Tena ones work real well and so do the depends.

Getting dizzy from acetaminophen would be quite unusual. Not a very common side effect. Are you sure that’s what’s doing it? Maybe it’s another drug?

Jeff, I’m taking a Tylenol now per your advice. Thank you.