Should I tell my children that I’m having surgery?

You know her best but, I know my kids would be pretty pissed off if I didn't tell them. In fact, they would be pretty upset if I just visited and didn't tell them while I was there.

Well, I think you’re in the best position to answer that - there are a lot of factors there - but it sounds like you’re reasonably close, so I’d say yes.

My mom was famously private, she felt that her health was no one else’s concern, so we found out only years later that she’d had her gall bladder removed, that she’d had a hysterectomy, and that she’d had colon cancer (treated successfully).

That last one, if for no other reason, should have been shared, IMO, because it’s part of family medical history that could have an impact on me (and my siblings, and their kids as well).

Also, once she slipped into dementia, my oldest brother took over her day-to-day management, and found he didn’t know much about her medical history and had to do some pretty intense detective work to get a complete picture to pass on to her dementia care team.

Also, what’s the end game? This isn’t something that’s going to stay hidden forever. It’ll come out at some point. Better to disclose it now than have to deal with the truth of it later and the feeling of betrayal at the deception.

We don’t have kids, but we’re very close to our nieces and nephews, and the first person I told was my niece - her mom (my SIL) passed at 47 from pancreatic cancer when my niece was in her early 20’s - I knew that she’d have as good a perspective on what I was dealing with as anyone, and she handled it very well and checks up on me (from nearly 3,000 miles away) every few days.

I had Prostate cancer surgery 16 years ago when I was 62, My children were adults by then. I didn’t tell Either of my children. My wife took me down to the surgery center and picked me up the next morning. My son did happen to call my wife while I was having surgery and when she mentioned, she was 45 miles from home, near where he was,. He asked a bunch of questions and she told him about the surgery. We never told my daughter until much later.

Recovery from prostate cancer surgery was very fast for me, In four days, I was working at client’s office for a few hours, At seven days, I went back to work full-time.

Prostate cancer is a chronic disease for almost all of us very Seldom is it a Deadly disease. You could hold off telling your daughter for a few years even. After 16 years, nobody can tell I have prostate cancer that could come back any time. It has already reoccurred four times and the drugs we have today work great.

Jeff, all your advice has been helpful. I look for it as I go through this journey. Thank you!

Before the emergency surgery to remove the tumour from my spine, I told my children, my siblings, and my mother. I know they love me and want to share the good times as well as the tough ones. And by telling them, I ensured that my spouse had a big support network in place.

Depends on how well-versed you are in explaining your diagnosis, treatments, and what is coming. It’s all in the delivery.

If all you’re going to do is to scare the hell out of them - and that’s it - then you might want to reconsider telling them.

But, if you can deliver the news from an informed, knowledgeable, and confident point of view, being able to fully (& calmly) explain what will happen, you should go for it.

So, the answer to your question is that it depends entirely on you……

(I told everyone in my family about my diagnosis - except for my mother. At 92y/o there was no reason to worry her about something she could do nothing about. By the time I had radiation treatments - 9 years later - she had long-since passed away so, that concern of mine was no longer an issue.)

I find it wonderfully kind that you are considering keeping this struggle from your daughter. I think she would want to know, but it would be painfully frightening for her. If she finds out later, she'll likely feel hurt.
It is perfect that you've visited recently. Either way, I think you can feel good about your decision.

Both my older (and only) brother and my dad had PC before me (don't know any further back to grandparents). I have two grown and sensible boys who each have a son.
I kept both boys informed from the beginning and every step along the way. They handled it quite well as I expected and were totally supportive.
Given my family history, I insisted they start PSA testing every year from their 45th birthday onward. They were a bit dismissive at first but they are now on board, the younger one having just turned 45.
All 3 of us and their wives are glad they are being watchful.
Approach this carefully knowing your daughter's overall feelings. If she blesses you any grandsons it may strongly affect your approach.

Absolutely. When I was a college student in the '70s about three hours from home, I found out after the fact that my mom had a four hour gall bladder surgery. I was so angry. She didn't want me to worry, but of course my mind ran to the worst case: what if she had died and I hadn't even heard about her operation? I have shared all my surgeries and treatment plans with my adult daughters. Also, we are a family that believes in God's power through prayer, and so share with other family members and friends. I highly recommend sharing. My girls' mom died two years ago from an aggressive metastatic breast cancer, so they are especially concerned for my health.

I think the adult children in particular should be aware of their parents medical problems (and that of their grandparents). At some point the children's Dr.s will be asking if the parents had any serious health issues that may have been passed on and if there are some it may mean an earlier testing regimen for them. It may mean that the children will catch the early signs of the disease and have a better chance at survival.