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@gratia I know that you feel bad about "snapping" at your mother. I snapped at my husband a few days ago because he picks at the dry skin on his arm until it bleeds. I have learned that this picking is a symptom of dementia but occasionally I forget this and am frustrated because I clean and bandage this lesion and then within minutes he is at it again often removing the bandage and exposing the open wound. It has not healed in over a month so I took him to the dermatologist yesterday to have him look at it. He took a biopsy and we are waiting to see if it is another basal cell carcinoma. I lost my patience and I think that is a normal human reaction when you have had it with a very frustrating situation. I also think that "losing it" occasionally releases the built up stress of our daily caregiving lives. We are not perfect but doing the best we can on any given day. About a week ago I finally cried for the first time in this now two year dementia journey. I wasn't crying for myself but for a baby opossum that my dog brought into the house. It had been injured and was now dying. I picked it up wrapped it a towel and held it until it stopped breathing and died. Then the floodgates opened. I was crying and grieving for this baby opossum but ALSO for everything that had happened for the last two years. I also saw this death as what my future will hold, the death of my husband. I realized later that it was also a metaphor for so many recent losses in my life. Thinking about it later, it allowed me to finally release what I had been holding in for two years. We need to be kind and forgiving with ourselves. That is a vital form of self care. May God bless you and your mother.
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@ocdogmom
Holy cow, that exact thing happened to us yesterday: my husband picked at a mole till it bled, I cleaned and bandaged it, then I notice him messing around in the bathroom, asked him what's up, and he'd removed the bandage, so I did it again. Now I am waiting to see about calling the dermatologist too, or if it's just nervous picking that caused it to bleed.
All the best, 🌺
@ocdogmom
I did not know that the picking is a dementia symptom, but that explains my husband's obsession with picking at things on him...not just his dry skin but also any little pills on his clothes (or mine), lint, you name it. Drives me crazy when he starts picking at the pills on his socks that nobody is going to see anyway. Wow! He doesn't like to shave and it's hard to shave him, so I let him grow a short beard, but then he started pulling the hair of it out. He looked pretty moth-eaten, so he had to be shaved. Now, we're back to not shaving and starting over with the beard—until he pulls enough of it out that it will be shaving time again.
Dementia certainly has some strange symptoms that aren't the obvious ones that everyone knows. We had a dog who died several years back. She had canine cognitive dysfunction, which is a doggy form of dementia. Among others, she had one of the symptoms I'd seen listed online and that was that she would always go to the hinge side of doors when going in or out. I wonder if anyone has been able to explain why a dog's brain would change to the point that they go to the hinge side of doors. Or why a person's brain would cause them to pick at things. It's truly a mysterious organ.
@ocdogmom It helps to let go and let it out. It’s really a good thing because it is not healthy for us to hold it all in. The strange thing is what can actually set us off…you never know, like the baby possum, how you went from crying for the loss of a baby possum to crying for your own loss which I know was much needed after two years. I was taking a quick shower a couple of days ago and broke down and let that flood of tears mingle with the water and go down the drain…I have been watching a movie, a sweet romance, and the yearning for what my husband and I had that will never be again opened the flood gates. I have found though after every occasion of letting go and letting it out I usually do feel better. I have found too that if the emotions are held in check for to long I tend to get very emotional and teary eyed at the least little thing, which can be embarrassing when talking to people in general, especially repairmen🙄. It’s like flushing my system to give it room to build up again…if that makes sense…because if we kept it all in we would get to the point we would be no good to anyone and we can’t let that happen because we have someone depending on us to take care of them.
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@ocdogmom Thank you so much for sharing. 🤗❤️Two years is a very long time to hold in your tears. We do need to release and let go, or let off steam and we absolutely must practice self care.
It’s such a balancing act and the goal post is always moving with dementia. The unpredictability makes it really difficult. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I’m sending you big hugs and supportive thoughts and love.
🤗❤️