I’m sad to he’s how unhappy you are. I’ve also struggled for years with like feelings. Joining AA has made me realize that I anm not alone with feelings of depression, anxiety and self-loathing. Almost everyone n “the rooms” feels or has felt that way. It’s a huge support group where you can express your feelings of despair. We’ve all been there. You’ll be stunned by how many members feel just like you and will be willing to make friends with you and help you find joy in life. You don’t need to believe in God. There are zoom meetings in case you’re too shy to start with in person meetings. But I suggest you do as it will be easier to connect and feel included if you meet face to face. It was a huge relief not to feel like a lonely failure. I’ve also been in and out of therapists’ offices with some success but zoloft has helped a lot.
Your life is worth living and perhaps by not comparing your life to others’ you’ll realize how much you have accomplished and what a valuable person you are.
I’ve been discussing my problems with ChatGPT and it’s been a cheap, easy and effective method for finding help!