@momica - I am so sorry, having been through caring for my Mom (with my sister's help) and having my brothers act like your kids, I get it. And I cannot imagine having to travel for care as well.

People under stress often do not know from one minute to the next what they need to do/have done. And immediate, medium term and long-term needs get all jumbled up in the mind, with no priorities assigned. This is NORMAL stress response.
Do you have a friend, a sibling, or a faith leader who can help you organize your thoughts, then meet up with your kids again?
Otherwise call Mayo, your own primary provider or your county agency on aging and get to a short term counselor to help you sort this out. Maybe they can help you prioritize what you need into:
Immediate - Give Mom a day off! And mow the lawn, do the laundry, clean house, clean & restock the refrigerator...
Short term - Set up a schedule for giving Mom time off. Get help getting to appointments, making small repairs, paying the bills, set up auto-pay where possible to make things easier...
Long term - figure out housing options and when to make changes, get all paperwork in order, update your wills...

As you say, your kids are hurting too, but they need to quit judging you. But they are adults who need to step up. Tell them you are no longer the "old mom" who could manage everyone and everything If it is important to you, or to your husband, it is important. And if they cannot do things, ask them to take the time & effort to find someone who can - you have enough just taking care of your husband and you. Often the local oncologist/oncology clinic has resources to help.

I'll be thinking of you as you work this through - this group is hear to support you.