@maryvc The transport to the AL purposefully did not involve me, I was afraid he wouldn’t get out of the car. The facility staff said not to meet him there or to visit for three days. They also suggested very strongly not to visit every day or to stay for long periods. When a spouse does that, the person has much more difficulty settling in, developing friendships, getting involved in activities, or being willing to leave their room for special presentations, like music. It felt weird and I was worried about him, but I figured this is what they do for a living and I need to trust them. Guess what, they were right! The wife of the guy across the hall comes daily and stays long hours, he rarely comes out of his room, says he’s waiting for his wife.
I visit Wednesday and Saturday early afternoon for approx an hour and a half. I do those days to be there during the work week when admin is there and on the weekend to keep an eye on what’s what when the “cat’s away”. Early afternoon you’re not interfering with morning care and med passes, the person has had lunch but has probably not laid down yet for a nap.
I refresh water and soda in his small fridge, refresh the incontinence briefs in the bathroom, tidy up a bit, etc. Then we head out to the car. He likes Dunkin drive-through for coffee and a donut, then we take a drive. We live in a rural area, he likes to drive over by the farms. He also likes to go on a few errands to familiar stores, he waits in the car and reads brochures I picked up at a nearby visitor center. He doesn’t understand the words, but they have lots of photos and fit nicely into the car door inside holder. I only do this with very short errands. When we get back to the facility, he’s always looking for his guy group friends. I give him a kiss and off he goes.