The fact that you have been one month is huge deal. All we have is today. I will say that NA meetings will help because there are people that can understand what you are dealing with. I know that when I have any thought of going back to the life of alcohol and drugs, all I have to do is stop and think about the inevitable outcome and for me, it is always worse, never better. It has never, ever gotten better. I was miserable, on that chaotic, full time job, merry go round of finding the next fix. It is no way to live as you know. Try to remember that all you have to do is not pick up today and remind that part of yourself that if you do, you will be miserable again. I know that our minds can try and trick us into saying to ourselves..."this time or just this once..." It, for me, has never gone that way. Once and I am off the the shitty race. You can do this today. If you haven't, maybe try NA or AA. It is wonderful to sit in a room or virtually with people who absolutely understand. Hang in there.